The hidden cost to marrying a Chinese girl

I’ll just forego the introduction and come out and just say a Westerner should not marry a Chinese girl, if the PLAN is to live in China, and not go back home.  He can’t afford the expense.   The endless comparisons to Chinese Man, along with the expectations placed upon her by family, add up to a lot of stress for the unexpecting laowai.  Esp in this day and age.   If you can convince her to not have kids, and just “live together”, all the power to you. 

This article is not for either the jaded or experienced.  A 40 something laowai with a 30 something Chinese lady have a hell of a lot better chance at success.   This is not for you.

(And I realize that all cultures have this same issue.  But in China they are magnified to a higher degree.)

But if you are both marrying for the first time, one must prepare himself(or steel himself?) for both the financial onslaught and shenanigans of her family.

I remember when I was 25 and madly in love with my fiancée, still wife of 23.  What the hell were we thinking? We both shudder now at the stupidity of our actions back then.  And life was MUCH simpler. It was infinitely easier for a laowai to marry a Chinese beauty in 93 than it is now, and I pity the laowai for that.  He really has no idea what he’s getting into.  He sees the love in his wife’s eyes, and nothing else.  He has no regard or understanding for what her family thinks.  

Because marrying a Chinese girl and then settling down in China carries a cost.   A hidden cost. 
And you need to know what that cost is.   I’m not talking the emotional cost.  Which can be pretty steep, more so for the lady than for you.

Quick example of a bad situation:

I have a former co-worker in Shenzhen that has been married to a Chinese for 3 years. Same hometown. They just had their baby less than a year ago.  And now it’s breakup city.   Yep….poor baby will grow up in a house most likely without a dad. 

However, mom is the one having it rough right now.   The only downside to the divorce is she believes she’s damaged goods. 

“No one will want me now”, she lamented over cranberry juice. 

She’s only 30 years old.   And she feels her life is pretty much ruined for the foreseeable future.
Well….imagine if her baby was only half Chinese?   Methinks this lady will have another opportunity at love and happiness.   She’s not ugly.   But what Chinese man is gonna want to marry a lady with a baby only half Chinese?  

But today we want to talk abt the financial side.  Because neither one of you want to be in the above situation.

Living in China, as we know, is already expensive.  I’m talking about the big cities.   Simple rent for a 400 sq foot aprt is as high as it is for a 1000 foot aprt in my  hometown. 

So let’s talk abt what it would take to live in China, with a Chinese wife.  We need to be real.  We need to set our expectations vis a vis how we would live back home(I can hear the “no way” groans already).  If you aren’t comparing how you would live back home(no matter the country), with how you would live in China, you are not being honest with yourself.  

However, let me not bust your bubble.

We can use another metric.

Let’s talk about the expectations of your wife…..and your mother in law.
Make no mistake, when your wife over the course of a walk in the park, or a quiet dinner at home brings up a demand sandwiched between a smile and a glass of wine, she’s not just talking abt what she “wants”…..but what her mother has told her she “needs”.

Now…we need to be clear that we are talking about life in the Big City. 

We ain’t talking about life in some 3rd tier town of Guangdong or Hunan.  We’re talking about life where the both of you probably met…ie a tier one city with a few nice areas along with certain laowai districts.

I’ll use Shenzhen as my personal reference.  

Now it’s time to go house hunting.

An average sized, centrally located apartment here is approx. 70-100 sq meters.  In the city.  Near a subway.  Suitable for a laowai.   Upper end apartments go for 3 million rmb.   One living room, an ofc and 2 beds.  (need to put your mother in law in the guest room for now?  No worries, she’ll lose sleep as she hears you bringing her daughter to climax each night)

That’s $500k.  Allow me to put that in perspective.

My 5000 sq foot house in the States’ with a pool, and a basement, is abt the same cost as the above.   (does it keep my wife quiet?  Nope, but that’s another story)

Too expensive you say?  Alright than…where shall you live?  A rundown 50 sq feet aprt with a Chinese toilet and no balcony?  Perhaps you want a place an hour subway ride from anything of interest?  I said you need to be honest with yourself, dude.  Why suck it up in China if you wouldn’t be willing to do so at home?


How you gonna buy that aprt in China?  Most of us will not be able to get a loan.  The Chinese know we can renege on the loan at anytime and just go home.  (I knew an American that did just that.  Not cool, I know.  His Ayi came after me for what she was owed.)

So Mr. Laowai you gotta pay in cash. 

Issues with that?  Of course you do.  How do we solve this problem?

Your wife suddenly comes to the rescue….

“why don’t we put it my name?”

And just like that, Mr. Laowai, you’ve lost all financial leverage in the marriage.(don’t forget you paid the deposit)

Not only did you put down a hefty deposit for the aprt, it’s not even in your name….dumbass.  The “love of your life” can leave you the next day.   She can even rent it out.   

Don’t tell me with a straight face that “renting is fine”, because it’s not.  What self respecting man is gonna marry and then rent an aprt?   (ok, maybe I’m being a bit extreme here.  Maybe you are from NYC or some place like that, and renting is respectable.  But in China, it’s not, and that’s what I’m trying to get across here) If you are going to live in China, you buy her a house, period.  And if she says “we don’t need a house”……she’s either lying or helplessly naïve…(she’s with you right?)!

And if you write back to me and say “no, it’s fine, my wife is cool abt it”…..well maybe she is.   But what abt the relatives ie, everyone, that opposed the marriage?  You don’t think she’ll feel embarrassed and more than a wee bit ashamed that she lives with a foreigner that can’t buy her a house?

You need to understand that you are marrying a lady who not only has expectations towards her future husband, but who in turn must answer to her family’s expectations.

Within of 6 months of being harangued by her relatives, she’ll be changing her mind, pronto.  
So….in essence, she’s basically bailing you out.  That’s right.  She’s giving you a way to save face for both of them.

So what do you do?  Do you pony up the deposit for that house…..or proffer an alternative?
(again, the assumption is that you are not moving back to your native country.  If you are, the above doesn’t necessarily apply.  And again, in the spirit of honesty, a lot of Chinese, far more than say 20 years ago, don’t want to stay in China anymore.  They realize it’s a akin to the Enterprise slowly plunging back to Earth, trailing black smoke and all)

There’s a way to finesse the situation, that will suit your wives tastes and give you a way to avoid buying a house in a big, overpriced city.

Buy one instead in your wife’s hometown.

It’ll be significantly less.  It will be a highly visible prop to LOVE, and her mom can rent it out while you both live on in the big city.   Your wife gets the house in her name of course.  You both get the FACE.  It’s a win –win…..but you still gotta pay the deposit. 

I know one laowai that has done just that.   In one stroke he’s both given his wife a little face, shut her family up, and achieved harmony.  Nevermind the financial hit he’ll take. 
However, when buying an aprt in your wife’s hometown, you need to ensure you will be getting her something above and beyond what her mom already owns.

Her mom is a renter you say?  Good for you…low bar to exceed!

But it’s imp your wife doesn’t go sideways.  She needs to live better than her mom.  This will show her mom she made the right choice.  End of discussion.

(Some Chinese still think we’re rich.  Yeah…we carry the “stigma”.   We always will. )


You gotta a license?  Does she?

We need to step back and look at the type of girl you have.  We assume you are marrying a beautiful woman that can have her pick of the lot, but through your skill, determination and refusal to lose, she wound up picking you instead.  If she’s pretty, confident, and comfortable around the opposite sex, well the odds are she’s been asked out a lot, and been in more rides than you can count. 
She’s done the BMW, the Range Rovers, the Porsche…blah blah.

So what will she settle for from you?

I know a 25 year old girl that has her heart set on a BMW.   She’s already ridden in ever European vehicle there is.  She hasn’t ridden in a Honda though.   Will she accept a lower choice from you, when she can ride a Chinese dudes car whenever she feels hungry or wants to see a movie?

I have a suggestion:

Why not go to your wives QQ and check out all the guys with pix of them and their rides.  This will give you a great feel for the circle of friends she swims in.  And for the bar you have to meet.
Are you ready to put down the cash for an Audi at double the rate back home?   One has time when making a decision on a car purchase.   The issue of a house comes up right away, and purchasing one often takes place even before marriage.  A car can wait.

But if her previous BF had one, and you are going to live in China, than you are behind the 8 ball from DAY ONE.  Again, maybe it’s time to take a step back and look objectively at this.

You are not a loser.

You do not suck.

You are neither incompetent nor naïve.  It’s not your fault you met the woman of your dreams in China while living there.  And your job keeps you there.   It’s not your fault your newly minted wife is highly attractive, outgoing and seen by many men as desirable.   We Westerners rarely date anyone else with wife potential.

It’s just your plain dumb luck that you are inevitably compared to Mr. Chinese Dude.

Yeah, once again I need to remind you of who is always lurking in the background.

We’ve mentioned him before.  He comes in many shapes and sizes.  He relishes the opportunity to flaunt his wealth.  Yeah, his BMW is a million rmb.  He paid in cash.  He’s 27 and his parents are loaded.  Or he’s a businessman that pays his workers 1500 rmb a month, and skimps on his taxes. 

  And maybe while you were away he took your gf(with other chicks of course) out and spent 10,000 rmb on her in your city’s newest nightclub. ( In the name of business of course.  You see, your soon to be wife happens to be his customer.)

Chinese Men and Chinese Women are meant for each other.  Chinese Men like to flaunt it and Chinese Women like to be with men that are willing to do so.  Most young Chinese women judge a man by how willing he is to spend RMB on them.  (Yes, all societies are this way, but very few judge the success of wedding by how many Ferrari’s they can line up.)    It is a society dominated by appearances.  Tina Turner was right.  It’s just their culture.   

Again, the club analogy…..  Why would a Chinese Woman used to being driven around in an Audi A8 with a table at the club want to hang out with a laowai at the bar, with a 50 rmb Heineken, having arrived by taxi?  

Maybe I’m setting an extreme example.  Probably I am.    You just need to understand that for better or worse the inevitable comparisons to China Dude force you to spend that much more to give your wife the face she and her family thinks she deserves.  Esp her family. And that’s a hidden cost.
When deciding on what type of car to buy, it’s a very good guide to see what your future mother-in-law drives.(same as the house)  You can’t buy below her.  You need to be above her.  Your wife needs to show her mom that she’s marrying up.  Going sideways won’t count.

If her mom drives a BMW, well, you’re fucked.

If she drives a Buick, you have hope.

And if you are the type to just sit back and let your wives’ wealthy parents pay for everything, well son, that’s not a marriage.  Rather that’s an invitation to eternal condescension from your inlaws.   Btw, if they tell the both of you to “take your time having a child”, that’s merely doublespeak for “let us find time to replace you with the rich China Dude she deserves”.

Remember me and my wife up at the top?  While I was back home to see my parents in the States’, her and her mom flew to Guangzhou on a last minute mission to meet a prospective mate.   Yep, behind my back, while we were engaged, her mom was even than still scheming to find an alternative. 

Yeah, I know, I exaggerate.   Your wife isn’t a gold digger you say. 

But you miss my point. 

You see, her mother is.  And her mother wants what’s best for her daughter.  And that isn’t love.  It’s economic security.  Love ebbs and flows….but real estate always goes up.   Her mom will forever be comparing you to some other punk ass rich kid, mentally calculating who will give her daughter the most comfortable life.   The less you give your wife, the more obvious the comparison will be.  And the downward spiral thus begins(see my Enterprise metaphor)

The only way to escape all of the above…the whispering, the nudging, the loss of face, and esp China Dude, is to put your wife in a suitcase and get her to your home country, away from prying eyes, and the power of her family to influence things. 


  1. Hey man, looks like you have been through some shit.Thanks for the advice. Planning to settle down with this Chinese girl, i have no intention to live in China, so she is willing to relocate to the west.

    1. Hope it's not to late but I live in Australia and married a Chinese wife and we are separated after two years of marriage. I really think marriage was second on her list and leaving China was first. Be very careful.

    2. Sorry to hear that. There are alot of successful marriages between the laowai and China Girl. And some failures too.....

  2. I'm just lucky I married when the status of the day was having a phone line in your house and NOBODY had a car, or the right to buy a house. Good luck with the marriage.

  3. Such a nice article, even though I am a girl it helped me to better comprehend the lifestyle in China since I was planning to visit due to the fact that I recently bought cheap tickets on and I will be visiting one of my dear friends.

  4. Good read. I'm glad we ended up moving back to Australia!

    We spent a couple of years in a different Chinese city from my wife's home town and that was mostly fine too. I think I'm lucky to have a wife that avoids/manages some of this pretty well. We did end up buying an apartment back in her hometown though :)

    Most of what you say matches what I've seen (but happily mostly avoided). The only thing that's different in my experience is the idea of renting out. I was told there was no way we'd be renting our apartment out because Chinese tenants would absolutely trash the place. So it was bought as an investment but to stay empty. From reading the news sites, it seems people buying apartments and keeping them empty is a fairly common phenomenon.

    Apart from that your post is scarily true!

  5. You are a bit too cynical for me. I've been with some beautiful, rich and talented chinese girls who want to marry me because they want to be happy everyday. Its not all about money. They have nice cars, clothes and things but that doesnt matter in the longrun. As long as you share the same interest, communicate with each other well, and are happy with one anouther i think it can work out well. Whatever country you are in.

    As for the parents, i have been back to meet the family of these girls and i have to say they are wonderful. They are warm, kind, inviting and homely. I think if your dating a girl with good english, who has a good degree their family will also be quite down to earth and less concerned about finances. China is changing slowly and not all families are trying to match up their already rich daughters based on who else has the most wealth.

  6. This is a good comment. However....have you married one yet? Is that your plan, perhaps? Not being able to speak Chinese will eventually rear it's ugly head when the inevitable conflict appears. Pls never discount the hidden hand of the family. True, not every girl is representative of what I've written about...but I believe most are. That doesn't mean you shouldn't marry one, however. If you are in love, and no what you are getting into, by all means, go for it.

  7. I have a chinese girlfriend who is really beautiful. Shes really cool, understands me , helps me at any conditions. But shes neither of the above mentioned kind of girl. Ofcourse she like to hang around with me sometimes at the club, and didnt cheat on me like the other chinese girls. She wants me to marry.Even i love her a lot .She even told me after marrying she want to buy a house in China and live in China happily.(Okay may be i can do that) But I feel preety unsecure. All of these financial things, home situations.... Dont know where to step in. Im really bewildered.
    so friends Im gonna say - make a right choice before its too late coz girlfriend(for a time) and wife (your lifepartner) are completely different....

  8. Good advice for everyone....esp for all the young ones out there who are absolutely convinced they've found the "right one". It's tough enough to get married. Most imp decision you will ever make. But than you add the cultural element as well, and it's tougher. My friend, you didn't mention if you speak Chinese or not? Or how long you've been in China? If you feel insecure than you should def slow down. Just live together for a year or so. You have all the advantages available to you today that I did not have back in 1993 when we tied the knot. No one watching your every move. No worries abt private housing. You can take your time. You don't have to seize the moment like the previous generation of laowai did.

  9. Thanks for the info. Let me explain my story and please honestly fill me in. She's divorced, one 6 y/o daughter. Her mother is dead and lives independent of her father. She is a waitress at a mid-level restaurant, speaks some English, and does not drive. Thoughts? She desperately wants to come here. Thanks much!

  10. Do you speak Chinese?
    Are you actually dating her?
    If you cannot communicate properly, she'll consider leaving you for the first Chinese guy she meets in your country. However, Chinese Men rarely marry outside their social strata, overseas.

  11. I have been married for 10 years and live in Shanghai. Luckily I married smart. I asked all the right questions and pushed in many directions. I think my advantage is that I wasd already accustomed to the Chinese culture and way of life. But you can't always stereotype is you will miss out on a great opportunity. Balance the pros and cons and make a decision. Though for me when we decide to leave China then our issues will appear. My wife has bad English and our current lifestyle will be definitely different in the UK, US or Australia,

  12. Hey very good information about this, thank you so much. From your experience you can probably help me out. I'm 22 years old living in America and I'm planning to marry a Chinese woman. We have been blessed that Skype keeps us together so closely. We talked about marriage and i want to fly out to china to marry her and I want to bring her back, I do not wanna stay in China. Don't get me wrong China's a beautiful place but one thing for sure I do not wanna make less money working there when I can be making way more money here. Here I have a decent job that can provide for the both of us but there I feel as if I won't have the same opportunity. Luckily she's willing to marry me but im pretty sure her parents won't and I know she's traditional but without parents and relatives blessing I feel as if she wouldn't want to elope. Any helpful suggestions? Please and thank k you

    1. Hey! Did you get married then? I hope your life is normal after marriage? For me its very difficult to trust a chinese girl. They dont seem very loyal to me.

    2. Trust your instincts Sudhir. This is very important. The younger the girl, the less loyal they are. The older China Girls are much better. Ironically, those with money are loyal as well. They don't need yours. In my view, we should never think of marrying China Girl until she is at least in her late twenties, and gained valuable experience.

  13. My first thought kid is to wonder if you read my other posts? My other thought is do you have a father that you've spoken to about this? And finally my third thought is are you putting me on?

    In conclusion, and with utmost sincerity, the only thing you should be thinking abt at 22 is what job or profession you will enter, and whether you have a 401/IRA. Next is gaining life experience by traveling and reading. I won't quibble if you conduct the latter before the former, which is what I did. It's this path that got me married.

    I married my wife when we were both in our early twenties, and in case you haven't gotten the message from my 180 posts, no it ain't been all honey and roses, nor will your relationship be. We constantly comment to each other, only half jokingly, what idiots we were at the time. And in that classic American tradition of not taking responsibility for ones own actions, I blame my father for not hitting me up side the head when I told him I was getting married.

    With all the Chinese women in America today, I'm a bit surprised you haven't tried to get one from within. This leads me to believe, perhaps falsely, that you are not a college graduate.

    So to quote that great American Philosopher, Chris Rock......."slow down".

  14. To anonymous May 23. Listen to Francis. If you are 22, you don't want to marry some Chinese lady you met on the internet. Its a disaster waiting to happen. She wants a green card. good luck!!

  15. You know what your right Francis. It's best to take it slow and focus on my life first and finish my studies and focus on persuing my career goals. I'm going to let destiny decide my future with her. Thank you for everything and most important thank you for your full honest opinion and harsh reality. It's better than saying what I wanna hear, and for that I'm very grateful.

    To anonymous may 25 I am going to take Francis advice and slow down. I didn't meet her on the internet, I know better than that lol. I meet her through her cousin that lives in America and is my friend. The only problem was that when her cousin introduced us when I was 16 I wasn't aware that she lived in China. She was visiting her family from China and when I found out she lived in china it took a toll to another direction. We continued to be friends and talked occasionally but now we have been thinking and trying to throw out ideas in the table about getting married (keep in mind our bond of being friends from 16 to feelings and time and history between me and her to 22). But it's best if I just take it slow and focus on me and let destiny decide if we shall become one. Thank you all for your wonderful and helpful advice I really appreciate it:)

  16. Question for you all- I appreciate any advice you have to give.

    Two years ago I was taking summer classes with a girl from China. I asked her if she wanted to hang out, and we exchanged numbers, became facebook friends etc, tried to make plans to hang out, but when classes ended she moved an hour and a half away, then back home to China.
    Fast forward two years, she spent some time living and working in Africa. She went home to China two months ago and out of nowhere messages me on facebook. She wants me to travel there and visit her, which I will likely do regardless because visiting China is on my bucket list. However, she seems open to something more than pen pals. She had a chinese boyfriend, her "first love" when she lived in Africa, but he broke up with her and started dating someone else once she left. I think she was willing to maintain a long distance relationship, he wasn't.

    I looked up red flags for green card chasers, and she doesn't seem to be motivated by money, marriage, or moving to the US. The only times she talked about moving to the US is when I specifically asked her if she ever planned to, or if she preferred grad schools in China or the US. Same goes for marriage.

    This is her on what she's looking for:

    I just want somebody is really love me and care me
    That's all
    I want true love
    Make my heart peaceful

    I'm going to play it by ear and go visit. Doesn't seem to be like the OP's description. She's from Qingdao, so maybe women are different there.

    1. Qingdao girls are in general grounded, and well spoken about needs what they want, qingdao is great city I am curious why they need green card 😂 I am chinese girl from south

  17. First of all, my apologies for not seeing this sooner, as I was on holiday....this is my take:

    She is more experienced now. End of Story. She realizes what a buffoon she was for leaving America, and for not hooking up at the very least with a Chinese guy. And she is trying to compensate for that now. She wants marriage. But by reading the quotes you sent our way, she's not ready for marriage. Once she's married her parents take over and dictate all her demands. Find out anyway if she's an only child or not.

    I'd highly recommend you go to China and see her, and look around. It's the duty of every global citizen with the means to go to China and learn more about the place. Hook up with her. Just don't forget: Never marry the first Chinese girl you hook up with.

  18. Pretty much totally agree with this. No matter how great the girl is, the MIL will ruin your life. I've managed to avoid this so far but ALL OF MY MARRIED FRIENDS have learned this the hard way. The only one's who managed to salvage their marriage despite horrible MILs are those that took wife away to their home countries. So that child the MIL was harping on about all the time? They've driven them away with their antics and only get to see the kid once a year. But great for MIL's face ("Oh, my family lives in X 1st world country and they've very rich." Because no one can verify their face claims anymore.

    Anyone that stay ended up divorced. Literally do not know a single foreigner that is married to a local girl whose marriage has lasted longer than a few years. Of course, there are exceptions but would I bet that I'm gonna get the 10% (and that's generous)? Hell no.

  19. Good for you! I think getting away from the suffocating influence of the MIL is paramount. I've another post on the MIL coming up shortly. These Chinese MIL's take the cake. Their lack of regard and respect for the son in law in my view can be very low. Hopefully your wife is not an only child like mine though. If so, prepare yourself, it'll only be a matter of time before MIL jumps on a boat and joins you! If you wife truly loves you, and has the ability to say "no" to your MIL, that will all help immensely. And as sorry as I am to say it...if you have a good job and setup, that can only help. I've got one of three, I'm afraid.....

  20. Thank you....some damn day that sky will be blue.

  21. Hi, did you had similar experience? I am in bit similar kind of situation. Confused about marriage.

  22. If you are confused about whether to marry someone, than you probably should not. Chinese Girls change dramatically after marriage. For one thing, they very much begin to reflect the wishes of their parents more and more. Living together is by far the better option before even thinking about marriage.

  23. I found your article really helpful. Here my problem I'm 31 Italian, my gf is Chinese but she spent most of her life in America. She came to Europe and then we met, she was trying to open a business but she failed since the very beginning. We love each other a lot, and as all the Chinese girls in their late twenties, she wants to get merried. Here the fact: for staying together the only way is getting merried because she has no documentation for staying in the country. I have always been very very against marriage, for family and personal reason. For me doing something like that would be only for changing her legal status, we never spend a whole month living together but she wants to do a big and expensive wedding. I told her "let's see how we live together and then we can marry with a big party I wouldn't mind it". But then she left the country and now she is living in the States. My doubts about marry her are: 1. My financial status is literally crap, she came from a rich family and she wants me to invite her (dinners cinema etcc)all the time 2. Compared with other gfs I had in that past she is really lazy. I love cooking, she never helps and she also makes me do dishes all the time (I know it sounds really a little thing but that reflects in a lot of daily habits have been observing) 3. Her mother lives aboard but seems she is everywhere. It seems like she wants to get married more for her than for us. 4. My mother is very against this marriage, also for me family opinion is important, and in this case my family opinion is the opposite of her. They think we will regret soon because we never lived in the same house together. I don't know what to do. I'm kind of desperate.

  24. First of all take a deep breath and relax. The one thing you did noto mention is that you are Catholic. I'm quite positive your family would want you to marry a nice Italian girl, even if she is Italian Chinese it would be ok.

    I find your comments above rather wise. I think you are right. Ie she want to marry because of "her" and not "us". Very perceptive of you.

    Her inability to do the dishes or cook will not change. You did not mention what part of the country she is from, but many Chinese women simply are not taught these obligations anymore, as the father does this or the Ayi.

    We just had a one month house guest. He is from China. He is married with a wife and child, but his father comes over and does all the cooking and cleaning, etc. Incredible. Your gf's work habits will not change. Get used to it.

    My friend. Pls do not feel "desperate". Because she is rich, she will find a new boy in no time and marry. She simply wants to tell everyone she is married to an "Italian". Your family is correct. If you haven't lived together how can you know?

    Lastly but most importantly. Both of you must have the same habits towards money. You cannot have one partner frugal and the other willing to spend alot of money. It will not work. If you do not have the same attitude towards money, your marriage will be nothing but a daily argument, and a divorce after a few years.

    Lastly, by not marrying this woman, both her family and your family will be quite relieved. The only one sad may be her. I've found that Chinese women quite often know nothing about MEN. Their mothers teach them nothing.

    Good luck!

    Keep us all informed of what happens next and thx for reading!

  25. I commented as Anonymous on the China Wife/Sex (as an fyi). I believe the dynamics are actually fairly standard with any Western / Developing nation family dynamic.

    My "China" is the continent of Africa; I'm an banker and consultant now running a business in Africa. Definitely found the same behaviour in Southern, East and West Africa.

    The expectation is that to be married - the man MUST provide a property and at least in Southern Africa - you are supposed to provide either cash or equivalent in livestock to rural family (note: this is not cheap - I have friends who are local who had to provide $100K (usd) in livestock to family of wife as brideprice + ensure that they would have a nice home in the suburbs and latest car).

    Having a local GF is ok - but if you stay - your GF will want to be sure that you can offer top shelf lifestyle....esp as the local top business guys and corrupt officials are often flashy as they spend their cash. E.G. (I once dated a beautiful girl - looked a bit like a young Vanessa Williams) In Lagos Nigeria; didnt' work out as I was not successful enough for her family......her current boyfriend is a local guy who drives a Rolls Royce and is fighting possible jail time for stealing government assets and land to build power plants.

    I've heard similar stories from friends who married Cuban / Filipina / Brazilian women. This is a reality we have to deal with.

    1. Indeed it is. Every country, everywhere, but in my experience very pronounced in China. I'm now seeing Chinese women "give up". They have decided they do not want a man. Can live without one, actually. They have told me being single is the way to go, and they enjoy themselves showing on WeChat how much fun they have. One even told me the nursing homes for the elderly are good! I don't believe this. I think sooner or later we all fall in love, just probably at an older age. Once the allure of cars, diamonds and furs fade.....


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