Pros and Cons of a Chinese Wife




I’m starting to like this whole blog thing.  Great alternative to therapy!
I’ve been with the same woman for 22 years, and I’m the first to admit I lack the wrinkles to show it.

Pros……
Your kids will learn an instrument, whether they like it or not! It will probably be piano, but who cares.
They will learn how to be filial. This is not just to their relatives but to anyone who is Chinese and older.  Every old lady will be called “ayi” and fellow “shu shu”.
They will probably go to a Chinese school on weekends, and get up to speed on their characters.
Your wife will do all the cooking.  Why is that?  Because she hates yours!   More on that later.
Your wife will do a very competent job managing the household. 
She will be obsessed with the kids studies…..not just Math, but even stuff she has no business teaching the kids…American Revolution, and Predicate Nouns….(isn’t this my job?)
They don’t gain that much weight.  My wife was 96 lbs when I married her, and is 115 approx now.  Love it. Contrast that to my 180 lb sister.
You are a tireless mom.  Great at managing the house and our kids.  You are overboard.  I am truly blessed.  Maybe I should write a post abt that!

Cons….
Honey, you suck in bed, and you sure as hell better get better.  You’ve actually regressed.  Go watch a porn movie.
Stop being a fucking know it all when it comes to our money.   Just because I let you manage it doesn’t mean you are Warren Buffet.
Stop being a fucking know it all, period. 
I’m grateful you want to teach the kids Singapore math every night but seriously….do you actually think you know more abt Gettysburg than me?  Prepositions…..I can do that, too.
Chinese food…tastes good, and is healthy.  You are a great cook.  But when the Big Man(me) decides to make a pot of Jambalaya , eat it, and kiss my feet afterwards.  No, we don’t want you cooking white rice with my spaghetti and meatballs. 
Pls take a serious effort to workout.  Walking with your friends doesn’t count.  This cannot be blamed entirely on you(see my first con above).  I understand you are culturally constrained to exercise.  Beautiful women from your generation are content to carry parasols and flutter their eyelashes in the wind.  I understand that.  But do something pls.
Could you pls stop telling our kids you will “throw them away”,  or “they should die”?  I know this is common to say in Chinese, to Chinese kids, but in English…well, that could get you arrested.   American kids have sensitive psyche’s, you know.
Finally…stop obsessing for a son.  We’re done!

I know I’m probably guilty of painting with a broad brush, but I don’t care.  It’s a blog….it’s ok to not be PC.   Seriously, how can someone live PC all their lives? Isn’t that counterintuitive to human nature?

Comments

  1. Yep. thats like my wife. The sex gets worse all the time. She considers it my job to do all the effort. I comment to her it is like sleeping with a log. Quite lazy with everything in general.
    She also considers a small walk sufficient for exercise.
    Wants to do business but i explain business is different where we live in Australia as compared to China. Her doing business means I do all the work.
    Likes to sleep a lot but complains of feeling tired all the time.
    She has no hope of doing an average job here as she is not used to the pace and long hours that are normal for us.

    ReplyDelete
  2. If you get a wife(or gf) that's a bit more proactive you've hit the jackpot. As for doing biz, alot of the newcomers have it hard once they figure out "money" doesn't solve everything in biz. As for sleeping, my wife was that way for the longest time. My dad commented it may be due to a lack of iron in her body....I dunno. She's over it now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a charmer. His wife must be so lucky.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The hidden cost to marrying a Chinese girl

KFC in China and who the Hell is Chick fil A?

Logic of the Chinese "gold digger"