"Will he buy you an apartment"?

- February 26, 2018

I know a Japanese fellow in Hong Kong. Extremely nice fellow. His own business. Approaching 60. Seeking Nirvana he is not. The golden elixir itself out of reach. But he has money. Not much. Enough. A very youthful outlook on life. Not ugly. Thin. Perhaps a bit henna as the Japanese would say. But lonely he is. Some people exude arrogance, contempt for others. This fellow exudes loneliness. It seeps from every pore of his body. Indeed, year by lonely year, his Soul seems to darken.

This Japanese fellow recently got engaged.

To China Woman. She is in her early thirties. Never married.

I don’t know how they met. I’ve met a few others, you see. I simply have no interest in his personal life. But he’s a business associate of mine. When I’m in town and he wants to meet me in Shenzhen I say yes. I always say yes. And I meet his newest “Chinese friend”. It’s easy over the course of a meal to see what exists between two people. Alas, what my Japanese friend thought of as possible romance, China Girl did not.

I’m not sure why China Girl even bothered. Maybe she wanted a new purse? Maybe she was lonely, too. People we ignore in fat times do we not perhaps adore in lean?

But this is real now.

This time China Girl said “yes”. She agreed to marry my Japanese friend, the businessmen in Hong Kong.

Then he goofed.

First was the engagement ring (or was it the wedding ring?). They went shopping for it. She picked one out. She of course chose a $4000 ring. It was a bit above his budget. But he said “ok”.

Where did he goof?

Dude didn’t meet the parents. Simply as that.

I remember when I first met my wife’s parents. I remember when I asked for permission to marry their daughter. The dad jumped right on it.

“再说” were the words I’ll never forget.

The next day he flew off on a business trip to Beijing to meet with Zhu Rongji.

While he was in Beijing we applied for our marriage license.

Once he bought the ring, only after he bought the ring, did China Girl tell her parents.

I very much regret the way I handled things. I was 24, with no mentoring involved. I remember simply calling my dad and told him I wanted to get married and he simply said “ok”. No lecture, no speech. Nothing. He simply figured I was a man now and that was that.

But Japanese Dude was on his second marriage. Approaching 60.

He had a relationship with a woman, and never figured out he had to at least give her parents face, right?

Here’s the problem:

China Woman kept the whole damned thing secret.

Only after she got the ring did she go to China Mom and China Dad.

And what did they say?

Anyone ponder a gander?

Let me stop here.

How many times have I said the best woman to marry is a divorcee? Even better with kids! For a Chinese divorcee to marry a laowai is hitting the jackpot. Simple as that. For China Woman divorcee with kids to marry a laowai is not only hitting the jackpot, but finding he has a pot of gold hidden under the bed as well.

China Woman is in her 30’s. I’ve mentioned in the past how hard it is for post 30 Chinese Women to marry. Yeah, you are pretty and beautiful. But so is that 23 year old who’s just arrived and well, she’ll simply be more impressed with Rich China Guy than you’ll be. And malleable. She hasn’t been to all the clubs. Doesn’t know their names. Your shelf life China Woman just isn’t what it used to be.

So China Woman goes to mom and dad, ring on the finger. Desperate enough to marry a man 25 years her senior, who’s Chinese is only “ok”. Knowing she’ll probably never have kids with this guy.