China Girl and the Middle Aged Laowai

I was on a thread abt China the other day and I heard a kid complaining  abt why Chinese women like 40 something guys.  Well, the poor little guy sounded a bit unhappy abt that.  However, the thrust of his comments were off base, because he felt they liked this type of Male Man strictly for his money, and nothing else.    While he was referring to Chinese Males, to a degree he may just as well have been referring to the middle aged laowai as well.

A recent survey of Chinese women did indeed say they prefer men in their 40’s.   They like the simplicity. Divorced men, esp.  This is not accidental.  There are very legitimate reasons as to why we are the preferred flavor in China. 

First of all the obvious.  Money.    All girls like to be taken out, across all countries and cultures.  It just so happens that an older fellow, in his 40’s up, is more likely to be able to afford it.   I find that quite often, the only reason a girl is with a younger guy in China is because she hasn’t come across an older guy, with money to spare, handsome, that speaks good Chinese.  End of story.   Cross your fingers if she does.  It will be a real test to your relationship if that happens.

A twenty something loves the ambience of being taken out to a new locale.  A glass of wine, a nice meal, than a movie.   That’s 500 rmb right there.  And that’s all “pre club”. (Once she’s experienced that, do you really think she’ll want to go back to the “let’s go watch a video at my aprt” way of life? )  And the 40 something fellow may do that a few times a week, maybe even with other chicks!   

Does it get expensive?  It does if you have a family back home.  A mortgage, etc.  Middle Aged laowai can have a  $2000 a month mortgage.   What if a fellow doesn’t have this type of financial responsibility?   Than in this case, it’s all peanuts.   It just isn’t a big deal. 

How’s it like being over 40?  I love it.  I’m a much better person now than I was back then.  (a bit less ballsier, though) Older guys are just more mature.  We listen better.  We aren’t jealous.  We never wonder about who is texting our twenty something gf’s.  We don’t care abt their QQ pix, or who she’s talking to on Wechat.  

We do funny things a 20 something laowai would laugh at:  We iron her jeans, bring her coffee in bed. We are more considerate.   We pay attention to the small things.  We cook, and I think you’ll agree a middle aged Man is a much better Cook than a younger dude.   We sit back and talk with a glass of wine, in her language.    You watch as her eyes light up.  You find many of them are desperate to shake the “young” label.   Hanging with an older man helps her believe she’s “more mature”. 

We don’t possess.(see simplicity above)  Don’t ask her where she’s going or where she’s been.  We’re simply far more cognizant of the experience than a Younger Man.   Younger Men think they can always get “another one” tomorrow.      

“Going to KTV?  Ok, have fun.”

Is  gf talking a little too much to the Chinese guy at the table, in the club?  Maybe.  Is 40 something laowai concerned?  Nope.  She’s going home with him tonight.  We’re more appreciative of the opportunity.  We middle aged gents have long since learned not to take things for granted.   If  gf and that strange Chinese Guy exchange numbers will Laowai get upset?  Not a deal breaker.   Rather, I find that gf is the one who has to take the initiative!  I often hear how frustrated(jealous?) the younger laowai is when his gf jabbers away in front of him to China Guy.   They don’t like it.  Why is that?  

They can’t speak Chinese, for one thing.  But another is they let their insecurities control them.   China Girl doesn’t use that as a weapon with 40 something laowai when she knows it won’t be effective.

Once a Chinese guy invited above said gf to a pub for drinks, while her own Middle Aged Hero was on a biz trip.  He was a customer of hers, and she couldn’t refuse.   He thought he would impress the above said gf by bringing along 2 laowai(who couldn’t speak Chinese, for if they could, trust me they wouldn’t have been invited), with him as props, to show off his “sophistication”.  (trust me Mr. Fu Er Dai, she’s seen more laowai than you can shake a stick at)

If he only knew…..

We have a security and a confidence that the gf can appreciate.  You twentysomethings just don’t.    
In short, life with us is simpler.   20 something gf doesn’t care if middle aged 40 something is taken.  She gets what she wants, and so does he.  There’s no pressure from either side.

China Girl herself feels more mature.  Older.  Sophisticated.  She likes that feeling.  She doesn’t have that feeling abt herself when she dates 20 something laowai.

Now we talk abt the elephant in the room.  Sex.  I’m a much better lover now than twenty years ago.  I sometimes laugh when I think back to the disasters I brought upon women when I was younger.  Esp the way I treated them.  I was infinitely more arrogant than, than I am now.  (you are perhaps wondering if that’s possible?)  It’s only natural that a Man is more aware of his abilities(and shortcomings), as he gets older.  He works to compensate.   Like an athlete that loses his physical prowess as he gets older, yet manages to improve his Game at the same time. 

My Game in my view is the best it’s ever been.   I’m at my peak.  Will my Game drop as I get even older?  Of course.  But in China a laowai with a career can always count on having these types of opportunities.  (Not in America.)  A middle aged man is just better at pleasing a woman than when he’s some young buck out of college.  Not just physically, but emotionally. (fear not, most of you will eventually reach this level as well) 

What are the downsides?

Only partly in jest, it’s always a bit funny when her mother is younger than you are.   It’s awkward.
Most 20 something’s simply don’t appreciate the asset at their fingertips.  We’re only appreciated by women open enough to allow us the opportunity.   In short, it takes time to find one open enough to be willing to attempt an experience with an older man.   Their not easy to find.  It still goes that most Chinese when coming across our path all think the same way about us:

He just arrived.

He knows nothing abt China.

He can’t even speak Mandarin.

Well, despite what has been said above, 20 something gf sooner or later falls in love.   She wants more.  She actually wants it all.  (sorry dear, no can do) Eventually she will long for a 40 something single guy.   This is why it’s even better if middle aged dude can find a slightly older woman.  Someone a bit more jaded, ie less demanding in life. 

Eventually 20 something will have to face the music.   40 something will rarely put a ring on her finger.   While he has the money to live with her, he doesn’t have the money to marry her.   (See earlier posts!) Meanwhile, the 40 something Player has “spoiled her” for anyone else’s use.   She’ll never consider dating anyone close to her age again. 

What to do?

And as usual there is China Man lurking in the background.   Reference the beginning of this post.   
China Man is dangerous.  40 something Laowai simply cannot keep up.  (That is, no car, and no aprt.)  You want some spending money?  Well, what was the movie and dinner last night?(remember the mortgage?)  If China Girl is lucky enough to find a single 40 something, well that’s different.  

What’s a couple grand rmb? 

But that’s the catch.  Ignorant Laowai thinks he’s being generous by even doing that. 
But China Man is different.  Only a couple grand rmb for a chick is an insult to China Girl.  She needs 20-30k a month, easy!   Think about that.  30k a month is 5000 usd.  That’s one hell of a mortgage.  China Girl needs Face.  She needs to say to her friends,
 “look at me!, I get more than you do!”…….

We are lucky.  They are with us because we are exotic, and different(insert your own reasoning here).   However, if you were Chinese, you would have to pay to gain entry to the Game. (There is a double standard. )

In my view, there are two main types of China Man that keep 20 something China Girl. 
Rich businessmen and govt officials.

We all know China Businessman.  That’s pretty straight up.  But what of the official?  Have you ever seen a taxi driver “keeping” a girl?  Of course not.  It’s than one realizes the “true” power of being an “official”.   The power to take money from the State for your own purposes.  

Laowai can’t compete with that.  

20-30k per month for a 20 something is nothing to China Guy.  He’s a small fish!   
Yet China Guy has to compete.   Not with Laowai, but with others of his ilk.  It’s not a pretty game.  Soon, cash isn’t enough.  She wants a car, and a place to stay.  And if China Guy doesn't keep the promise “he will marry her”,  she forgets all she’s obtained from him already, and calls his company, or makes their relationship public.   Don’t feel sorry for China Girl.  It will be a seller’s mkt for a long, long time to come.


  1. I have to disagree with many of your thoughts here. I am 26, and I know my sexual ability is far greater than it was before, but knowledge only takes you so far. Endurance is all a key factor; one which diminishes with age. I guarantee with my muscly strong frame, deep experience and strong endurance, i can outperform many men. I dont know if you have a good body at 40 or not, but a woman really gets off on grabbing a mans muscles during intercourse.

    Aside from that, i have dated so many university girls here, and they ARENT all looking for money. Im starting to think that might be a generation gap between me and you. You might have unfortunately married into that generation still concerned about money to the nth degree, where as now i am dating more realistic goal orientated girls who focus on their own career. There are alot of internationally minded, well educated younger women here that i have had the pleasure of meeting. They also dont require 25k a month to maintain, all they require is having fun with you. If you are a fun person that it.

    As for a young 老外feeling jealous about their girl talking to other chinese men, yes that can occur. But if you have experience, it doesnt matter. That kind of jealousy disappeared in me well before 25. Also if a girl your seeing is hitting on another man infront of you then shes a cheap girl whos not worth the effort. Most normal girls dont do that, and if they are getting the number of another man it can usually be for a good reason.

    Its amazing how pessimistic and jaded you are about China. I am sorry that your wife makes ridiculous demands about wanting an expensive house without logic or reason, but you have to admit that is partly your fault. You must have see the cracks of illogicality in her mindset before you married her, but still married her anyway. And for that i am sorry. But at least you have 2 beautiful children that you can raise to have good strong morals. good luck mate.

  2. Good comments. First of all....yeah, when you are 23-24, etc, it's rather easy to let Love fill the brain and influence one's decisionmaking, such as was for me. Pls keep in mind one fellow at 25 isn't the same at 45.
    I've fortunately never had the exp of having a woman hit on another man in front of me, but I've witnessed it to colleagues of mine, and it's nothing to be proud of.

    If you date beautiful women, as I'm sure you must, your challenge will come when she catches the eye of a Chinese official or businessman.
    Actually, the generation I married into isn't as focused on money as yours is. This is what tends to frustrate many a laowai trying to have a successful relationship in China with a younger woman today. As usual, I want to issue a caveat saying that's not always the case.
    However, these University girls you date now....revisit them a few years or so after they've left college. They will certainly be more focused on the material side of things than, because their families will be pushing them to marry.

    You are very fortunate to be at University, where the girls are not yet focused on such things....they just want to have fun.


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