Me and My Qi...The Decision that Angered My Wife the Most

(I'm back from holiday.....more to come)

Then there was the day I finally decided to get fixed.

Couples after a certain amount of time naturally start to have certain conversations about certain types of things.

When to stop adding to the population is one of them.

However….there is another dialogue that takes place between the sheets.  You see, as human beings we want our cake and we want to eat it, too.

That is….we want to fool around without the consequences.  However, as a sensible, responsible steward of our planet, I wish not to add to the pressures of the planet by adding to it’s population.

Finally, one day I tired of the constant mental stress involved with just trying to “have my cake and eat it, too”.

So a few short years ago, I decided to get FIXED. 

Pinch the tube.  Quarantine the fishys.  Flush the chamber.

It was time to put my foot down and say “enough is enough!”

A smile crossed my face.  Wrinkles disappeared. A smug shadow enveloped my persona.

Now all I had to do was tell the wife.  You know, the Chinese wife.   No more calculations with MATH.  

No more “did I or didn’t I” conversations with myself the day after(not to mention the moment after) “foolin’ around”.

I had wanted to do this for a long time.  It made perfect sense.  My peers had done the same thing.   It was never a controversial topic in their family.  So why was it such an issue in mine?  Sensitive and touchy feely?   

Well, it turns out the dragon lady I share my bed with had her own ideas about my unilaterally wanting to end my abilities to have a baby. 

You see….my wife wanted a SON.

As I have mentioned in a previous, way earlier post, we already have two gorgeous girls, and I had decided that at my age, two kids were enough for me.   In my 40’s, I simply didn’t have the strength to persevere through yet another stressful pregnancy.   Yeah, I know, I’m the GUY in the family.   I have the easy part.  I just felt that I lacked the energy to raise another child and my time had come to simply be happy with what God had given us. 

My wife didn’t see it that way. 

She felt on the contrary I was taking a gift and throwing it away. 

I felt she was selfish and irresponsible.   How could she possibly have another child?  Like me, she was past her shelf life.   And that was that.

Or so I thought.

She had decided she wanted a SON.   And I was to help her have one.

I buckled against the pressure, wilted for a moment, than remembered my backbone…(that’s another problem.   Like a lot of ladies, but esp Chinese women, they like a man who will do just what he’s told.  

After he buys the house and the car, and all that “other stuff”.   You know….)

Common sense dictated that having another child was just a stupid idea, and finally I only half jokingly mentioned to her that “if she wanted another child, she was to have it with someone else.”

Than she brought up the Qi

Yes, that’s right…. Qi.

I remember as a student  some 20 years ago in China that some students studied Qi at night.  Something to do with maintaining one’s vital energy for health and longevity.

Well, if I brought the knife out, my wife said, I would lose my Qi.

In exasperation I said I didn’t give a damn, getting snipped was the ultimate version of safe sex, and I just couldn’t wait!

My wife knew enough to understand she was beaten.

We headed to the outpatient clinic, and met the Doctor.  He showed us an instructional video, and left the room while it ran.  

Than it happened.

Half way through the video, I could hear sobbing and looked around to see my wife crying.

Tears started to run down her face.  I was terrified the doctor would come in at any moment and see this spectacle.    What would he think?   Would he tell me to cancel the procedure until “we had this figured out?”

So here I am, watching a 42 year old woman crying in a medical ofc.   It actually pissed me off.

Perhaps, here, a Chinese male would crumble, and listen to his wife.(we actually have Chinese friends back in America that wanted the same procedure done.  The wife insisted the husband go through with it.  He literally ran out of the medical ofc the day of the procedure, and his infuriated wife had to go in and take care of it herself!)

 Not me.   It made me more determined than ever to get this done.  

She claimed a Chinese man would never do such a thing(see above).   In my wife’s tears I saw selfishness, pure and simple, but my feelings were tinged with pity.   I knew how important it was for her to have a SON, and I felt for her.  I wanted one, too.  It sucks I’ll never be able to toss the football around with my kids.  

 All the same, she wasn’t being practical.  And I was beginning to think she was way out of line. 

Maybe someday if we divorce she can/will have one. 

I’ve now long since completed the event.   Yes, there was a long needle involved, and yes there was a second of pain, coupled with smoke.   The doc repeatedly told me I have a 75% chance of reversal within a two year period if I desire.   (In one ear and out the other)

Even today, when my wife imagines I “lack” the stamina, or what have you, she blames it on my loss of Qi.   I know better.

Is my wife still pissed that for once in my marriage I made a decision she had no power over?  Of course.

Do I care?  Very selfishly speaking…..no.

And as for my Qi…well it’s never been better, thank you very much.