Why China Wife is so nice to me
I've noticed a change in China Wife.
She is happy.
She teases me a bit more. Jokes around a bit more. Even washes dishes!
Never tells me when to go to bed, or when to wake up. Never asks me what I'm doing, or tries to make me "earn my pay".
She has changed.
During this Pandemic, this bad time in America, I'm one of the lucky few with a good job. I have many direct reports, and a good boss. He and I are "aligned"(knock on wood). Make no mistake, while I'm currently grounded from going to China, have lost my frequent flier status, and pretty much been unable to visit suppliers anyway, I'm still putting in 65 hours a week, frequently not going to bed until the early morning hours, until my team in China is already halfway through a typical day.
In short , I feel not so much overwhelmed as overworked. Certainly no time to write a blog.
And China Wife is happy.
Within her own world, that is how it should be. Within her own mind, she finally has attained Nirvana. A Man working himself to death, fulfilling her own vision of what a Husband should be. I sometimes feel like I quite frankly "took one for the team". Despite the commonly held believe that whatever tension we have in our marriage is due to our cultural differences, I tend to think I simply walked into something I had little awareness of.
So yet another word of advice to those that want to Marry China Girl.
Know her father first.
You remember my father in law? High ranking government official. Everyday he would rise at 530, go to the market, come home and cook breakfast. Then he would wash dishes. He would cook three times a day. Wash dishes again after dinner, then get on his knees and wipe the floor with a rag.
This is how China Wife grew up. Her mom can barely cook. Actually, in my view, most Chinese Women are worthless cooks. Do I paint a brush too wide? Perhaps. Chinese Children are raised to score well on the GaoKao. Mothers don't pass on cooking skills to their children. It is considered a poor use of a child's time. Children should be studying!
They don't bake, nor read fiction. China Wife was no exception. When we got married, China Wife couldn't grill a cheese sandwich. Couldn't make rice. Couldn't give a blow job, in short couldn't do anything.
Yes, China Wife was a child of the 80's. What can your Modern China Girlfriend do that mind couldn't?
Drink bourbon, you say?
Club?
Drive a car?
Ok, I surrender. Modern China Woman is much more fun than China Wife, no question about it. But I bet she can't cook rice either.......
Still...China Wife's vision of what a man should be is simple; her dad.
In China Wife's view, because I'm worn out from work, and knocking out those damn emails to the CEO on a Saturday night, knock on wood(!), I must be doing "ok", and she at last has the Face she has always wanted. Her parents are happy.
As for me, I haven't had proper sex in ages, read a good book properly in months, and am in danger of forgetting what my children look like. (And oh by the way, if you think I'm gonna actually edit this for grammar, ain't gonna happen)
In short China Wife is the happiest I've seen her in a long, long time.
I simply pray I don't die young.
She is happy.
She teases me a bit more. Jokes around a bit more. Even washes dishes!
Never tells me when to go to bed, or when to wake up. Never asks me what I'm doing, or tries to make me "earn my pay".
She has changed.
During this Pandemic, this bad time in America, I'm one of the lucky few with a good job. I have many direct reports, and a good boss. He and I are "aligned"(knock on wood). Make no mistake, while I'm currently grounded from going to China, have lost my frequent flier status, and pretty much been unable to visit suppliers anyway, I'm still putting in 65 hours a week, frequently not going to bed until the early morning hours, until my team in China is already halfway through a typical day.
In short , I feel not so much overwhelmed as overworked. Certainly no time to write a blog.
And China Wife is happy.
Within her own world, that is how it should be. Within her own mind, she finally has attained Nirvana. A Man working himself to death, fulfilling her own vision of what a Husband should be. I sometimes feel like I quite frankly "took one for the team". Despite the commonly held believe that whatever tension we have in our marriage is due to our cultural differences, I tend to think I simply walked into something I had little awareness of.
So yet another word of advice to those that want to Marry China Girl.
Know her father first.
You remember my father in law? High ranking government official. Everyday he would rise at 530, go to the market, come home and cook breakfast. Then he would wash dishes. He would cook three times a day. Wash dishes again after dinner, then get on his knees and wipe the floor with a rag.
This is how China Wife grew up. Her mom can barely cook. Actually, in my view, most Chinese Women are worthless cooks. Do I paint a brush too wide? Perhaps. Chinese Children are raised to score well on the GaoKao. Mothers don't pass on cooking skills to their children. It is considered a poor use of a child's time. Children should be studying!
They don't bake, nor read fiction. China Wife was no exception. When we got married, China Wife couldn't grill a cheese sandwich. Couldn't make rice. Couldn't give a blow job, in short couldn't do anything.
Yes, China Wife was a child of the 80's. What can your Modern China Girlfriend do that mind couldn't?
Drink bourbon, you say?
Club?
Drive a car?
Ok, I surrender. Modern China Woman is much more fun than China Wife, no question about it. But I bet she can't cook rice either.......
Still...China Wife's vision of what a man should be is simple; her dad.
In China Wife's view, because I'm worn out from work, and knocking out those damn emails to the CEO on a Saturday night, knock on wood(!), I must be doing "ok", and she at last has the Face she has always wanted. Her parents are happy.
As for me, I haven't had proper sex in ages, read a good book properly in months, and am in danger of forgetting what my children look like. (And oh by the way, if you think I'm gonna actually edit this for grammar, ain't gonna happen)
In short China Wife is the happiest I've seen her in a long, long time.
I simply pray I don't die young.
Your wife doesn't work, but she is only heir of million dollar apartment in China.
ReplyDeleteAm curious, will she sell it, and help kids buying houses in America or she will decide to retire there ?
I completely ignoring my parents in law. Last time I kicked out my brother in law.
Damn, i enjoyed being rough with him.
I took a lot of bulshit from chinese culture in the past. I was young and blindy in love.
Brother in law, was rude to my daughter. I said we are not chinese, you did not adjust, so you gotta leave. My home, my rules.
Chinese only respect strenght and money.
And i have never felt better.
Wow, you kicked out your brother in law? Really? What did your wife say? I bet you didn't get sex for a month(upcoming post...hint). I agree with you very much, ie "my house my rules". Chinese don't understand that. That is the Western way of thinking. We have Chinese guests all the time, that stay with us. They completely ignore my authority. I have thin skin about that. Again, you are correct, ie Chinese only respect money and strength, but several cultures are that way as well. Thank you for reading!
DeleteWe still fucking a lot. When she pisses me off, am ignoring her for a month. Am winning, at her game. Her loss. Man is like a wine, you know what i mean. Having decent salary helps. Gotta say, wife cut a lot of her culture, background. We have only daughters, no son (i read your post about prejudice and stereotype, hope i have no Chinese son in law ). Wife has no son, and yet she a brother. Change everything.
ReplyDeleteLazy ass, living on parents money, without a stable gf....saying to my daughter her mandarin sucks like her father's. IN MY HOUSE, IN MY LIVING ROOM in-front of Chinese folks. f..c off, get lost. You should see their faces, "Please calm down, why are you so angry". I did not lose myself, i was planning this, to lose face of wife's family. Showed in public i could not care less about their culture and their money.
I pay mortgage for our apartment, but my mum legally owns it. Go figure, why wife does not divorce... I am such an eastern European barbarian. I love to say to wife, you have choice either having western rational way, or my Slavic way. Thank you, for all those wonderful posts, it helped me when i struggled with power in marriage.
Well let me say this. We as Western Men(all men), must take the "high road". We much always strive to give our inlaws face. Trust me it is not easy to do. The inlaws look down on me, and always will. It is ok to not like the useless brother. But we must make our China Wife's life easier. We must. I think your wife in Eastern Europe has a difficult life. Hard to learn your local language. Not many Chinese perhaps in your country. Very few Chinese supermarkets. Fuck the brother. But praise the wife. And try to never argue with the mother in law. Being the husband of China Wife is difficult. Good luck!
DeleteHey man, I’m still reading through your posts on this topic to get a better idea of the relationship (and compare/contrast to mine).
ReplyDeleteHave you talked to her about any of this and specifically your happiness? Does she want you to be happy? Is she happy? What else matters in life (besides other family members and paying bills etc)?
If we lost everything tomorrow, then looked back on our lives, what was it all for if we weren’t even happy?
Your wife isn’t expected to have been taught about psychology (or eg stoicism) while growing up, but what is stopping her now when knowledge is virtually free? If she thinks she’s happy, that’s great (even if misguided), but the problem seems to be that you’re unnecessarily suffering and I wonder how she’d feel if she knew that.
Ha! She knows. Trust me, I've communicated that to her. Like many Chinese Wives, she a good mother, and terrible wife. I accept the fact the kids appreciate her for such. If I had someone on the side though(I don't), she would be pissed off. That is the internal conundrum. She wants it all. Complete and utter domination. A zero sex life, and a sexually loyal husband. I've written of this before, as well. It is very clear to me why Chinese Men "fuck around". Not at all a mystery.
Delete