"OK"....

I remember this lady, not because she was the only married Chinese woman I had an affair with (she wasn’t), but because of her casual acceptance of her fate.  She didn’t seem sad.  And I guess that made me wonder how my life would wind up. 

I just didn’t think I’d be the happy go lucky type.  I still don’t.   But this chick it was clear to me simply didn’t think in those terms.   She seemed content with her life.   She simply wasn’t getting laid enough.  And I took care of that right away.

When she was over she was all smiles.   Never a frown.  Never a sour word.  We simply screwed, talked, screwed again, and then she left.  Sometimes though I simply couldn’t help her out more than once.  She would linger, get the point and go home.   Only to bother me the next night, or maybe the night after.

Soon I began to simply ignore her texts.  Or just tell her something like,

“Sorry, I’m still at the factory.”

Then after a while believe it or not I began to get paranoid. 

“Did she see me walk into my building?”

I found myself scanning the grounds as I walked towards my building entrance.   I even would look into the building itself to see if she was there.  Patrolling   the corridors.  Perhaps even talking up the front desk 保安。

I behaved if she was a stalker.  Except if so she was low maintenance indeed.  All she wanted was sex, right?  Nothing else!

Was I the problem?  Was I overreacting?

Eventually about one of every three requests I would find myself acquiescing.   I’d text an affirmative and not long after hear the knock on my door.  A soft knock.  A polite hello with a “how have you been?” followed by a mature and shameless march to one of my bedrooms.  

The height of our “relationship” came unexpectedly. 

I sensed she was finally tiring of being ignored or turned down.  I hadn’t heard from her in awhile.   

At least a week maybe more.

I had just settled into bed.  It was maybe 10:30.  The next day was the biggest day of my career to that point in my company.  As the point man in China for a multi-billion dollar reverse logistics company, my ability to manage our flagship supplier’s assembly line and new projects on a timely basis was instrumental to the success of our company’s assembly line back home.

Indeed, the next day both our CEO and all the VP talking heads were to show up at the facility for a business review.  Nearly all of them were Stanford Business grads。The Stanford Mafia ran our company.   And to the man they hated China.  They hated coming here.   Give them a spreadsheet and they’d be fine.   They could talk inventory levels all day long.  Put them in a factory and they crumbled.   Oh they liked the savings that juiced their annual bonus.  They had no qualms about the teenager operating an expensive high precision machine wearing sandals.

Actually if I recall the only issue they had during the entire visit was from a pipe emitting some sort of toxic looking liquid outside the paint building.  The visit was a wild success. 

Unfortunately, I already felt I was being “silo’ed” within the organization.  That is, my own VP very much had the “keep doing what you’re doing” attitude about me.  By that he meant I would never fucking be promoted. 

Indeed my experience in this company greatly pushed me towards the direction of starting my own business.  That was the only way I realized I would make truly big money.

Then came her text.  I hadn’t seen her in awhile.   I was annoyed.   I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep.  But wouldn’t “stress sex” feel good?

 I was definitely tired.   It was Sunday night.  Tomorrow I would meet with the CEO!  My decision lasted all of a few seconds:

“I need you gone by one”, I replied.

She texted back immediately;

“OK”.

She came over and we did our business.  Then we did it again.  She bit heavily into my shoulder.  A pained expression on her face.   So it looked anyway.   Afterwards she told me it was fantastic.

And just like that, with nary a further word between us, she was gone.  It was 1am.  Nothing cross, nothing emotional.   I’ve had affairs with a few married women that have accused me of not paying enough attention to them!   I hate to admit even married women can be high maintenance at times.    

Not this one. 

As I’ve alluded to, the next day’s meeting was indeed a success.  Still it didn’t help my career within the company.  Probably helped my quarterly bonus.  Nothing more.  You see, I’ve found that American VP’s and Directors are all about ensuring their image looks good in front of the Boss.  Not mine. 

Later our CEO sent a personal email to “the team”.   I found it irritating to say the least.  Our VP of Asian Operations was congratulated “on his team”.   Never mind my VP didn’t hire me, and sure as fuck didn’t know how I did what I did.   But as he was the leader, he got the glory, and I guess in all fairness, if shit hit the fan, probably the grief, too.

Still, you would’ve thought as the only laowai that spoke Chinese I might have been singled out, or noticed, right?  Uh-oh.  Absolutely not.   In conclusion the CEO’s visit enhanced my VP’s career.  

Didn’t really help mine. 

After she left, I really don’t recall us ever meeting again.   Which was fine by me.  I was spoiled.  And too busy simply trying to move up the company ladder.   Sure she texted me again.  I simply have no recollection of having responded.  There was no emotional connection.   No hugging.   No cuddling.  It was all just physical.   

But I came away convinced there are millions of Chinese women just like her today.   Most of whom have never seen the inside of a club, much less spoken to a laowai.   Forever aimlessly roaming within their own tiny worlds, as me in mind.   Perhaps wondering as I do now nearly everyday….

“Is this it?  Is there nothing more to this life?”

Or most likely more than a few simply keep these feelings at bay.  Munching on those ubiquitous sunflower seeds, watching the latest damn drama on their laptops.