Affection....Practicality...what gives?

Ok, guys, you have spoken.  (Do I still have female readers?  Is Femme Nazi still around?)  I’m a bit unhappy that apparently none of you have cool interest in Revisionist Chinese History.  Well, if the last few posts haven’t clinched My Pulitzer, than  perhaps I should face myself in the mirror and desperately admit nothing will.

One of my Anonymous Readers has been asking me for the past couple of weeks to write about “soul”.   Or rather, the tendencies of Chinese Women as regards Affectionate Behavior.  This is very much a sore point for us Western Men.   Having said that, if you are a Japanese Fellow, just move along…you are perhaps more attuned to this type of behavior than us Western Saps are.   

Western Men are dreadfully easy.   We want a good meal and great sex.  That’s it.  (ok, well, don’t spend so much of our money) 

We don’t need you to make the bed.  We don’t need you to wash the car.  We will require you to change your panties daily though, if you will, and NOT wash them in the sink.  We want to be “loved”.   And if you need to ask “what that means”(see above). 

We want you to snuggle up to us at night.  We expect you to not get too fat, ie look good in what you wear.  I could drone on, but time is short and what I would usually say in a 2000 word post, quite frankly haven’t you already read from me before?

Still, despite what most of us consider low expectations China Girls consider silly….almost embarrassing to a fault.    That is, you want the jewelry, you want the FACE with being seen with the coolest fucking dude in the club(me), but when it’s perhaps a Tuesday in the middle of the day I can’t buy a kiss.   Or a hug.  What gives?

Allow me to digress for a moment:  I find this to be a problem predominantly common with the “older generation”, ie Chinese Ladies in their 40’s.   Both spoken and physically expressed.   The Middle Aged Chinese Woman lacks passion and in my view, simple warmth.   Unless you are in a new relationship with one, you will not get much, if any creativity from HER in the sack. 

But have we forgotten where this woman came from ?  She came from Chinese Children of the 60’s.   

That, is the “60’s Generation with Chinese Characteristics”.    Her parents never went to a rock concert, never saw a Rated R Film, and didn’t have sexual toys.  They never got high.   They were themselves not the Children of their Parents, but of Mao.  They had a Red Book, and they themselves would denounce their parents in a heartbeat.  This is where today’s Middle Aged “Cold as Ice” China Woman comes from!  She has never seen her parents hold hands….or embrace…..or hear them much less make noise at night.

But what of twenty something China Girl?  Is she not more liberated?  Open Minded?  Hell yeah she is.  She’ll want to club, than go back with you and “hang out”.    Modern China Girl in my view fits the third paragraph to a tee…(except the cooking part…but they look great wearing your Tshirt in the kitchen, don’t they?) 

Yet China Girl comes from parents whom themselves were raised as kids in the dying embers of the Age of Mao, and the dawn of Deng.  (Let’s recap:  Deng is the Father of Modern China, not Mao)  For all practical purposes, the early to mid-80’s were the same as the 70’s, and the 70’s the same as the 60’s.  please understand it’s not exactly what era your babe was raised in…..what’s important to recognize is what era her parents were raised in. 

What am I trying to say?

Today’s Modern China Woman is visually liberated, but not necessarily as willing to reciprocate with words.  That is, if you are looking to find a woman to say “I love you”, on a daily basis, perhaps its best you move back to your home country.  China Girl is just that way.   She loves sex on the living room couch, and in the hallway, but that will not equate to her telling you how much she loves you.    


If her parents….previous Chinese boyfriends…Chinese Movies…are not wired that way, how will she be? That’s why every fucking Chinese song is a romantic one.  Music in effect is the only way they can release their emotions. 

And this cultural mystique is what both frustrates me and captivates me about Asian Women.   They much prefer the mysteries of expression that occur between the lines.  The little things mean as much as the direct, spoken approach, and if you are newly arrived in Asia or some young horny 25 year old Western Kid you won’t get it. 

Instead you will grow resentful, angry and frustrated at a woman that “doesn’t love you”….and how can you tell?  Well obviously if she isn’t saying “I love you baby” on a daily basis, she must be a cold bitch right?  Rather, China Girl is probably a generation or so away from showing the expression, or emotion you would expect, on a regular basis.  Even the most open minded(she’s with you right?), don’t like uttering such airless phrases. 

How can one tell Chinese Woman does not even know how to use this phrase? 
I once “knew a guy” that picked up a chick in a club.  All she could say during sex was “I love you baby!”.  The “guy” didn’t even know her name. 

Does this make them “soulless”?  Nope.  It does make them “exotic”.   Asian Women are not for everybody.  Too much nuance.  I could never date a Japanese girl, (she’d smother me) or a Korean(she’d beat me up).  But dating an Asian Babe is an experience every man who wishes to believe he’s lived a full life should experience.  

Just because they do not wear their emotions on their sleeve does not make them robotic or soulless.  Rather, I find it simply makes them more interesting. 

Practical Love

I’ve beaten up a bit on the older generation, but trust me I’m qualified to do so.   Yet when it comes to practical love, the older generation wins hands down.  Their older, more jaded, and less sensitive to what other people think of them.  They realize that Happiness, rather than what their family thinks, really is the most important thing. More importantly they are less swayed by peer pressure. 

When they like a guy, they’re not necessarily looking over his shoulder for a wealthier one to come around. They have money themselves.  Confidence.  Security.  In short, it is with older women that the laowai finds transparent love. 

Contrast this with China Girl.  Twenty something in the full of life the world is her oyster and living at her pace China Girl.  Believe it or not, she is a freewheeling creature until her parents get involved and put the boot of Chinese Cultural Expectations upon the throat of her happiness.

This is when pragmatism takes over.   That means if you are an English teacher in China you are out of luck.  This means if your family doesn’t have a lot of money, your future with her takes a hit.  China Girl doesn’t need you to see the world anymore.  She can do that herself.   Does that mean she is more inclined to listen to her family?  Not exactly.   She has too many boys chasing her to do that.

Nor has she had that cup of bitterness yet.   Even pretty girls get their hearts broken.   But being practical while ingrained in all of us is more so ingrained in Chinese.   This is why when one goes to China for the first time, or plans on living there one must first learn a bit not just about the culture(blah blah blah), but the history of the nation.  The famines, the upheaval.  No major country has seen more upheaval on the world stage over the past two centuries than China.   The Chinese as a result are indelibly insecure.  Right or wrong, they know two things:  We are great and We are poor. 

Isn’t one of the most popular greetings in China still 你吃饭了没有? This insecurity breeds practicality.  It’s why Chinese women are always being pushed by their mothers to “get a good deal”.   When Chinese mothers say “get a good man”, they aren’t talking about his temperament, or how he treats his parents.  They aren’t talking about his patience and personality.  They want to know about his job, his salary and his parents occupations!

So when you get the above mojo from your babe, having read your history, you should not be surprised.  Your best defense against something like this is an older China Girl.


  1. Bravo! Is there an email sign up or newsletter option we can register for?

  2. I just cannot stand daily washing of grannie panties in the sink. That's why I buy an expensive washing machine so you don't have to do it there. Also every night I go to have a piss in my luxury-aesthetic looking bathroom you have to put some crap plastic round basins on the floor. Cannot even piss like a human when I need to look at all this.

    1. Advice: try two sinks. One for the kitchen, one for the laundry.

  3. Practical love is much better. I never understood the Western obsession with the I love you talk. The lady who tells all the time that she loves you, is the most likely to cheat on you when she finds someone is she is "in-love" with.

  4. Or rather...someone who is a bit older, a bit jaded(hate to put it that way), and a bit more forgiving of one's "shortcomings". Have fun with the younger ones....just don't marry them.

  5. Long time reader here. I recently found a book written by an American who lived in China in the 1930s called Ways That Are Dark: The Truth About China. It was a huge bestseller at the time, but largely forgotten now. I think you'd find it very interesting. A version of it online exists here:

  6. Fantastic! I will indeed take a peek. My posts as of late have slowed down a bit, due to everyday life. I'm glad all the same to receive a bit of news from some of my "long time" followers.

  7. I blog for a group blog at National Review Online called Postmodern Conservative. Doesn't make me any more of an authority on anything, other than indicating that I've read more blogs than the average joe, and that some smart people think my writing is good. As far as I know, FFF, you're one of the best "essayistic" bloggers out there. Without agreeing with every jot and tittle--I think some of your analogies to American things are a tad off--I think your counterfactual Asian history stuff is really great work, and here's hoping you keep it up. I just read the "1940...What If" post, and am very impressed indeed. We all get too little of this sort of writing/thinking.

    And you should try to get a book of your best posts published. Dunno if it means less or more hearing that from someone who's heard such advice himself but hasn't been able to act upon it, but I do mean it. Your publisher would have to be willing to handle some PC-offense issues, I'd guess, but I think it would sell like hotcakes if the word got out. Sincerely, Carl Eric Scott

  8. Well...Mr Anonymous cum Carl E. Scott, I thank you indeed, and believe it or not, having an Ebook out was actually a resolution of mine for this year that has gone the way of the dodo bird. You wife doesn't know I blog. Like most Tiger Wives she thinks her husband is a blathering idiot good for taking the kids to school and fucking her once a month(that's a joke, it 's a bit more than that). If was to publish an Ebook how would she not know?

    I've yet to figure out the conundrum of achieving fame and prosperity while keeping "the secret world of FFF" intact.

    Thank you so much for your kind words though as regds some of my "what if" posts. I love those, too. Most of my readers unfortunately...and you may be the only exception, I'm afraid, are still waiting for me to write my "real blog", ie how many times I've "deepened" the cultural understanding between our two races. The can care less about Lushan and oil embargoes.....


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