Lin and I

(This is the first of a series. I won’t write many of these,  and no I will NOT be overly explicit.  I obviously won’t be writing about every chick I’ve met, but a few stand out.   Only a few.  Pls give me some slack.  I've written over 130 posts over a two year period, covering a very wide array of topics....I'd be dishonest to myself and my life in China if I didn't include the below as a topic as well.)

I lived in Futian for about 7 years, and kept an apartment there until only recently.  Futian is one of the better districts of Shenzhen.  Close enough to Hong Kong, while still far enough away from the noise of the city.  

A popular bar/club among the ordinary Chinese at the time was called Chicago.  I had heard it was actually the first bar in Shenzhen.  It was at the stadium in Luohu.   I don’t know why stadiums tend to attract clubs.  (Workers Stadium in Beijing?)  Chicago turned into one of my favorite haunts.  Why?  It was a hangout with a comfortable layout, and the only place I could have my favorite drink, Long Island Iced Tea, by the pitcher.  All for the exorbitant price of $16.   As such, it wasn’t glitzy enough for the Fuerdai.   That’s why ultra hot babes would never be seen there.  As they are the ones usually taken out by Fuerdai, and wealthy businessmen, they always went to the better clubs(like Sohu, or Le Nest).

And that was fine by me.   I would sometimes bring my babes to Chicago for a quick drink, and get a great kick out of them wrinkling their nose down to the masses that frequented this place.
A club without its usual mix of gold diggers right away eliminates a lot of the guessing involved in sizing up the other sex.  My target was always someone a little less goal oriented.  I’m not too proud to admit that I felt more comfortable in such a place.  I never grew up with wealth, and I disdain hanging out with people that flaunt it, as they do in most Shenzhen clubs. 

Chicago still was a microcosm of Chinese Society.  Ugly/handsome, young and old, were all there.  The Naïve and the Worldly.  The girls all had jobs, just like you and I.  Those familiar with Shenzhen may remember the place.  There were no club singers, and zero professional dancers.   Nor was there a cover, nor even a table charge.    One of the other reasons I liked Chicago was there were hardly ever any laowai.   To this day, I very much try and avoid laowai hangouts.  

These tend to be overpriced, with more than their fair share of hookers.   And I admit I have less competition.  Yes, it can be harder in a real Chinese club, as Chinese assume you can’t speak their language.  But that’s fine by me.   As such, people usually leave me alone.  I only talk when I want to speak. 

One night in my usual seat a girl showed up with long flowing hair.  She circled by a couple of times looking for her friend(she was obviously early).  Now as I’m the only laowai in the bar, there is always going to be a seat empty next to me.   We in America, on our never ending quest to build the “Perfect” Harmonious Society are completely oblivious to how “Perfect” we really are compared to other places.  Nearly every night I went the seat next to me would remain vacant.  An empty seat in a club, at the bar, is worth it’s wait in gold, unless it’s next to a laowai. 

Finally she swallowed a gulp of Hemlock and sat down next to me, stoic, with a dour look on her face.  She seemed really awkward and out of place, and didn’t know what to do.  She turned her face and body away from mine.  One could not be blamed for assuming she was trying to find a funeral, rather than a club.

 I ignored her.

 “Just another prude”, I thought. 

By this time my guys had showed up, and we partied on, and I eventually noticed this chicks friend had also showed.   She looked just as prude as the first chick, but by far less attractive.
Finally, after an hour or so, I started to talk with the former.  I found out her name was Lin琳。She was from Dongbei.  Looking her straight in the eye, I could see she was actually pretty.  I asked her if she wanted to dance, but we wound up standing on a corner of the floor chatting instead.  It was then I noticed her rack.  Once she’d gotten over the shock of sitting next to me, she turned out to friendly enough, if not overly charismatic.

Slowly her one word answers grew in length.   At the end of the evening, she finally noticed my wedding ring.  

“Are you married”?

“Yes”, I said.

Without missing a beat, I asked her:

“What’s your number”?

I watched her intently, with a bemused look on my face. 

She stared down, feeling rather awkward…..and then gave me her number.

I went home.

A week or so later she texted me.

Now, let me digress a bit, but I think most men will agree that when a lady takes the initiative to reach out, it’s always a good sign.   It means less work on our part, and it also tells us we’re probably not competing against anyone else.   I very much like the confidence(desperation?) of the female when this happens, but it’s also a possible warning sign of clinginess. 

All the same, the reason she was reaching out was that a Chinese holiday was approaching.  I deduced right away she must be lonely.   She asked me if I knew about this, and I said yes.  A moment later she texted again asking if I’d like to meet up and being the cad I know I am, I waited for a moment before answering. 

A younger person would have savored the moment.  After years of putting up with female pretense, and vials of self importance, it was indeed nice to have a lady chasing me for a change.    But being the mature fellow I think I am, I didn’t dwell on it too long.  I simply answered “yes” and went back to preparing for my conference call.

She chose the spot, and we had a good time.  I think it was Chinese Valentines because there were couples everywhere.  We held each other but did not make out, and did not consummate anything.  It was then I learned what her friends were saying about me.



In other words stay the hell away from this guy.  He’s a player.   Nothing good would come of this. 

So her friends had me pegged before the first date. 

This would be a theme of conversation we would have going forward.   Basically my line was her friends were poor sports and would rather be alone than happy, (That’s the problem with “principles”…only lonely people have them)and I  said as such.  One needs to have the memory.

During the night I learned a bit more of her story.  She had just quit her job, and was preparing to start her own business.  Her business was clothing.  She worked for a major textile company in China, and at the age of 28 had decided to start her own company.  Not get married.  Not have kids. 

Her last romance had lasted two years and had ended at 26.  He had broken it off, and she still wasn’t sure exactly why.   (I understood why later.)

I also learned she lived only 5 minutes away by taxi from me.  

Date One was over.  Now it’s here I should say my creed has always been the 3 date rule.  Sometimes I ditched them before that.  (or they ditched me….before the ignorant crazies pile on with their comments, keep that in mind, pls) With all honesty I can say I consummated nearly every “fling” by the first date. At least 90%. 

Our next date was a quickie.  I took her to a very out of the way place called “Cowboys".   It was typically a very loud place but with excellent Mojitos.   I’d made sure we had gotten there at an obscenely early hour to avoid the crowd and noise(9pm). We sat at the bar(remember I’m not a table guy), and I got two of them.  Right away she started up again with the 我害怕…”I’m afraid” line.   She had been muttering this during our text messages, and I wasn’t sure what she meant.  

The mojitos arrived.  I love a woman that can handle her alcohol.   There is nothing sexier than watching a woman come into a club alone and order a mojito.  It’s a stiff drink.   The perfect damn drink for  Shenzhen Heat.  I’ve seen many a Chinese friend lose face to the Mighty Mojito.  They act pretty tough with their Chivas and Green Tea, but when the chicks are gone and it’s just he and I and I’m buying the booze “they” start slurring their speech within the hour. 

Lin was only a quarter way through her Mojito when she finally let on what she was talking about.  She hadn’t made love in two years and so tonight she was a bit nervous.   (that and I’m a laowai)
Just like that she took the guesswork out of the whole evening. 

I loved the maturity of this 28 year old woman.  (I was around 40)  Having to come up with witty things to say to keep a younger woman amused and laughing throughout the evening….is tiring, to say the least.  It was a relief to not have to go through such a scene with Lin.
I downed my mojito and then hers and off we went.  In the taxi she held me tightly and we made out a bit.  It was exactly one week to the day we had met.  Our 2nd date. 

Once we got to my apartment we showered separately.   Than the show began.  We kissed passionately and then I slowly made my way down.   I love giving oral sex to Chinese women.  It’s one of my favorite things to do.   When in China, or anywhere with a Chinese girl it is the obligation of every laowai to give a Chinese girl good oral sex. 

I find the older ones have little experience in this regard, and quite frankly don’t know how to react.  Right away she used a phrase I would get so damn sick of hearing…我火起来了。。or something like “I’m on fire”…or “you’re turning me on”…..consummating the act took a bit of work.   I found she liked oral sex quite a bit and she would steadily orgasm as such.  My only problem was I felt obligated to continue until I had felt the orgasms had diminished.  Sometimes I gave her oral sex 30 minutes straight.  One’s tongue does get tired.   (I wish all you bitchy women that think men are selfish would appreciate this)

She was very tight.  I’d literally have to “stop and go”.   When a lady is tight and very excited or nervous I find their inner thighs tend to tremble a lot.    So I of course had to take it easy.  Once we were done I swear she was the happiest girl on the planet.   The only downside when making love to a woman the first night is the bar of expectations is forever set.   In this regards it’s tough to be a man.  We simply cannot fail those expectations, going forward.   We had sex a total of three times.  Twice in the evening and once in the morning.  Forever, as long as we were together that was the standard she expected.  I ALWAYS kept this in mind when seeing her. 

I was rather happy with Lin.  Right away though, perhaps a week or so after our first encounter she moved to Shekou.   Shekou is a foreign enclave.    While some may disagree, I find it a bit sterile. This made our logistics all the more difficult, as Futian is an hour from Shekou during rush hour via taxi, and the subway is not much better.

Our weekly trysts soon as a result became bi-weekly.   Yet they were always passionate.  There were no games with Lin.  It was all business.   She’d both shower and eat before coming over.   There was no obligation from my side to spend money on her.   She never once asked me to take her out.  (A couple of times I found myself wanting to eat something. Having sex on an empty stomach should always be avoided when possible.) Not once.  In our two years we only saw one movie together, and I can’t even recall what it was. 

Finally on her birthday I insisted she let me take her out.   Arriving from the factory only a few minutes late, I’d found she’d already bought the movie tickets herself.(let me repeat that….a lady on HER birthday bought the movie tickets herself, with her money….simply because she arrived before I did.  99.99999% of the time a woman will simply wait for the guy to show up….bday or not….as she should)

Before the movie I took her to dinner.  A popular place.  But our dinner was stupid cheap, less than 80 yuan.   I typically spend that much between leaving the apartment and before going down in the elevator.

Her business in the interim to my surprise took off.   Why do I say that?  It seems so many women in Shenzhen have the same business. She grew from one store to four.  Then she bought a car, and two apartments.

She would bring me clothes from one of her stores(always too small, I’m a 6 footer).   After a night with me, I’d have my driver drop her off at the nearest subway station and she’d go to Dongmen to conduct her business.   We almost never went out.  Instead we talked a lot.  We talked about what her friends thought of her sleeping with me.  We talked about her difficulties in finding a proper mate for marriage.  I told her the best bet was to find an overseas Chinese.  (She told me a Taiwan guy hit on her once and she turned him away.)  She always longed for a baby, and often hinted we should live together.  Lin is a very conservative girl, despite what you’ve read above.  I truly, truly felt sorry for Lin, and still do. (keep reading)

I want to make it clear that while I truly did like Lin, and very much respected her business acumen, I never for one second loved her.   Yet while we were together I very much appreciated the absence of “drama” when I was with her.

I know what you are thinking…ie Lin’s age was her biggest downfall.  But I’m not so sure.  It might have been something else.   She stopped going back to Jilin, her hometown, for CNY.  She was simply tired of the questions.  The same old damn thing.  So she stayed in Shenzhen.  Her younger siblings have all married. Despite her success, I could tell her family, esp her mother, was not impressed.

Sexually speaking, Lin was a contradiction.  She insisted I always use protection, ie she never got contraceptives herself.  (I’m not sounding sexist am I?) I’m fortunate she never translated that aura of conservatism to the bedroom.   She was a very, very passionate lover.  She gave great oral sex.   She was sexually very open.  And then post coital she’d squeeze me to death.  I’d quite often awake literally an inch from falling off the bed, with no possible way of turning around, so tight was her grip.

Lin in short was and is a great person.  She had a good temperament.  She only got angry with me once, when I kept her waiting during a company dinner that kept running long.  She didn’t have a room key.  (Never give a girl a key.)

Lin was more than just a savvy business lady.  Lin even played the 古筝!  She played two instruments actually.  She showed me a video of her self playing these instruments at her company CNY dinner.  She was wearing a sexy dress, and of course her company was full of men.  She gave a sexy performance that would have drop any guys jaw.   Again, after seeing this video, I was confused as to why she was still single.

So did Lin never marry?  Simple.  For all her talent, and success, and beauty, and passion, Lin was too…..boring.   She wasn’t interesting.   The breadth of our conversations never wavered far from finding her a boyfriend, and the condition of her business.  We never spoke politics, or culture.  I loved giving her a sympathetic ear.  And I was happy to encourage her.  But we rarely had stimulating conversation. 

As such, I stopped thinking of her.   I agree, that’s a terrible thing to say.  I’ve often pondered why I felt the way I did.  I think the knowledge that no one was interested in her, thus made her less attractive to me.  After two years together, our trysts had become bi-weekly to monthly affairs.   I rarely initiated contact.  She always did.   In retrospect I guess I am guilty of taking Lin for granted. 

One night while in the club I rec’d a text from her.  She felt it was time we parted ways.  She needed to get married she said.   I said fine and wished her well.  (This was four years ago. )  And that was mostly that.  She met a guy soon after.   She’s still with that guy today, but I’m not sure if they are married or not.   He’s not a particularly handsome fellow.   But I know they are right for each other, because they are still together.   The fellow has some type of nervous disorder however, which precludes them from having sex.   (Yes, I have answered her booty call.  She once only half jokingly asked me to give her a baby.  She said she’d raise it herself, that I could walk away.)

Nor can he cook, or work.  He just sits in her store all day folding clothes.  But she’s happy.  (She’s now 34).  So it seems.     I always call her to catch up when I’m back in town.    One evening I called her about a year ago, in the throes of a breakup, and apologized for not taking her as seriously as I should have.  She said no big deal, and that it was time for me to go to bed…..and that was that.


  1. In China, most women don't care if the lady is a professional or a FWB situation like this one. As long as the guy brings home a big paycheck so she can keep face and there are no love children out of it then it is pretty normal in China.

  2. Except he is American, with a Chinese wife that lives in America, and two daughters that hold American values. Now he blogs/brags about banging naive Chinese girls on his business trips / cheating on his wife -- I hope this BLOG goes viral like that Chinabounder one and his wife/wife's friends see it.

  3. So your point is I'm going to Hell? This blog has long since gone viral and IS on Chinese websites. Lots of Chinese use translation programs to read this blog. Hate to disappoint you, but what I wrote isn't that extraordinary. Like the above post said, "it's pretty normal". The post is actually abt the girl. If all you can see is "another laowai screwing around", than your reading of this post is pretty superficial. You are missing the forest for the trees. Like I said in the opening paragraph, I've written over 130 posts. Comparing this blog to the one you mentioned is silly and stupid. Let the readers compare both of them. Heaven forbid a laowai write an honest blog abt life in China...let's not do that.

    1. I'll send you a postcard from Hell.
      It's funny the more you hate me and foam at the mouth the more frequently you come back for more. Your angst is self inflicted, Dear.

      Not sure where I "proudly admit" anything....just a China Blog from an Average Joe....

  4. I wasn't suggesting that the behavior was alright from an American POV. However, the Chinese POV is different. The lady knew he was married and didn't care. I suspect she preferred he was married, because she was looking for no strings attached and in a sense she had more control that way. That is the thing I like about this blog. Its raw, but balanced. Having spent time in Shenzhen on business myself (the reason I started reading it regularly) I think the blog author is fair though some people may not like some of the topics. Chinabounder was a blowhard and seemed to be the type that hates the women their with. I don't see that with this blog.


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