Rage and Confusion of the Laowai Libido

Sex with the middle aged China Woman.  

What to say?  (I struggled several days with this post.  It's been in me for quite awhile.  I'm glad to finally put it on paper.)

Not a lot I’m afraid.   It’s all hit or miss to be honest.  

I mean….how can sex with a 40 something compare to sex with a 20 something…..?

Wait a moment….actually it can.

Having a sexual relationship with a twenty something is usually a physical fling.  Nothing more.  She’s curious.  You are convenient.   Twenty somethings see us laowai as a respite from the rigors of Chinese suitors.   Chinese Men are too focused on getting married.   We see them as arm candy when we walk into a club, or any public place full of MEN.

However, sex with middle aged China Woman is more often than not emotionally fulfilling.   Less needs to be discussed, less needs to be explained.  (she isn’t going to ask me to hold her purse!) There is an attraction with a middle aged lady that a twenty something simply cannot compete against.   The conversation is more mature.   Less money needs to be spent. 

Still….I’ll take physically fulfilling anytime!

I guess what I’m trying to say is I find having sex with  middle aged China Woman akin to sometimes sitting on the sofa and watching the paint dry.    Predictable.   Mechanical.   Not very spontaneous.   Boring.   (Dare I say Prudish?) These all come to mind when Middle Aged Laowai and said China Woman tangle in the sheets. 

While I prefer a situation where everything is “understood”, being able to skip over so many questions and concerns, I miss the enthusiasm and smile of the twenty somethings.    Don’t get me wrong, the sex with middle aged China Woman is not terrible….(I still achieve my physical objective right?)   but with China Woman, it seems more about reaching the destination than enjoying the trip.   With the twenty somethings, the journey is a blast!   And that makes all the silly phases one must go through to reach the destination worth the effort. 

Allow me to bore you with the details..

Experience…..

Say what?  Due to generational differences I find the women of the 80’s to be conservative, and lacking in overall knowledge….it’s not that these ladies didn’t get out….it’s that they had nowhere to go!      Quite often, their sexual experience is confined to their first boyfriend….who is now their husband.   Or their Ex.  A product of that sexual cocoon I call the 80’s.

I know the middle aged China Girl is a product of her times….I get that.   Still, I’ve found that this type of China Girl still hasn’t been caught up in the wave of sexual liberation that is so prevalent with the younger generation today.  And isn’t curious to learn either.   I would say the sex life of the China Woman is practically nonexistent.    

The China Girl of the 80’s did not grow up in Modern China.   Nice restaurants and travel did not exist. Interaction with someone different from you?  Ditto.

Makeup, earrings,  mousse, were all nonexistent.   My wife, for instance, did not pierce her ears until after college.    However, on a brief tangent, there is something to be said for 80’s China Girl.   (But this isn’t what the post is about.)  Natural beauty, less materialistic, more willing to marry YOU for YOU.  Nobody had a car, and no one had a house.  Nobody was goo goo ga ga over your phone, or your shoes. 

The lady of the 80’s was always assigned a job.   Economic survival just was not on their radar.  The attainment of Money was not the driver behind societal goals as it is today.  There was little conniving and manipulation was rare.   And arranged marriages were still common.   Thus there was no need to see sex as a tool for finding a better mate.  

In short, Modern China Girl would eat Middle Aged China Woman alive today.   

Further, I think once Modern China Girl reaches her 30’s and 40’s, she will also be a better wife.   Her knowledge of China Man is that much deeper, and superior.    

As such, I’m finding there is a vast difference in not just experience, but attitude, amongst these two generations of ladies today.  Let’s compare a college educated version of each:

“That’s good enough!”

Having a satisfying sexual relationship has never been a priority of the Middle Aged China Woman.   Society never stressed the link between sexual fulfillment and happiness.   As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, it’s all about getting the kids taken care of, and making sure they do their homework.    It’s about cooking dinner.   In short, it’s about everything except the MAN.   Sex amongst the older generation is less frequent.   

Yeah, I know what you are going to say:  every society has this issue.   I would say you are correct.   But I would also say in retort that it’s not just infrequency, but skill that matters.

So should we feel guilty?   That is the Question.  If China Woman manages the household, and takes care of the pool, and ensures the kids do their homework, and cooks the meals, does Middle Aged Laowai/China Man still have the right to a sex life without feeling awkward?   

(A few of you will remember a post I wrote awhile back expressing my surprise upon my return from China to see my wife had actually cleaned my grill. "That was weird....and I thank you....but can we have sex now?" )

Let’s be real;  yes, he does.   Will he be a prick for going elsewhere for his needs?  Or for expressing the inability of his libido to be satisfied?   To my continual regret, many Chinese women will unreservedly say “YES!”, to this question.

Once while driving our Lexus(there’s a post for that, too),  my wife for the umpteenth time began ticking off the advantages she brings to my life.  (she likes to frequently justify her existence to me) Before I could make a quick quip about sex she finished her own self-serving speech with “That’s good enough”!

And as for Twentysomething girl?  Well…..she’s bored.  She shares an apartment(in China), not a house, and doesn’t have a pool to manage.  She is childless.  She is the center of her own world.   She is self confident, and has no plans to marry anytime soon.   Many China Guys chase her on Wechat, and she likes the movies. 

And China Girl is fond of Sex.   And open.  Don’t get me wrong.  China Girl is not promiscuous.  She’s had a few sexual partners.  Not many, but more than Middle Aged China Girl has.   One is 25, perhaps a bit older and the other maybe 45, perhaps a bit younger.  (A world apart, yes?)  

Technology has made “the hookup” all the easier, but China Girl is not a whore.   Paradoxically, because of the rise of easy communication, and the ease of which China Man is easily conquered, she may still be single, by choice.

She’s not fond of red wine, but maybe she knows the difference between whiskey and tequila.  She hasn’t been to Hong Kong but….so what? (She’s been to Shanghai!) 

In short, her experience at 25 is already worlds ahead of China Woman.

Sexually liberated…..?

China Girl likes Oral Sex, if it’s done right.  Loves it.  And She is smart enough to reciprocate.  More to the point, China Girl knows you like it too.

Middle Aged China Woman….ain’t gonna happen.   She thinks oral sex while not a ticket to Hell, is still something done awkward at best.   Many consider it “dirty”.  (oh heavens!)

China Girl will be nicely trimmed in all the right places.  It’s sexy.  It looks good.   China Woman…..(sigh), it’s all a big mess.

China Girl won’t say no to hardly anything(except anal sex, because “it hurts”).  She will expect to be led, however, and will follow your lead.   (So BOY you better lead! )  She will do everything you ask.    Middle Aged Guy will find this very liberating.    China Girl likes it too.   She will say things like “我很开心！Which you may or may not believe, and while you will want to believe it, will you really care?

Is there a catch?  Not really.  Yeah, you need to take her to dinner a couple of times.  But so what?  Young China Girl is hot, and you enjoy it.  

Please talk to me….

Why the mystery?

Sexual communication with Middle Aged China Woman leaves a lot to be desired.  It is neither explicit nor frequent, and I wish it would be.  Sometimes a Man is left guessing.  There is no chase.  Nor is there Drama for that matter.   One never has pressure to satisfy the Carnal Needs of Middle Aged China Woman….they hardly exist.  Rather, the MAN needs to make all the moves himself.  It’s pathetic.  Can’t a woman at this age, in this culture rise above it and admit she has needs….and wants?  Can’t we act like adults, and be open with our needs?  I don’t think so. Too many educated Middle Aged Women today still find it culturally demeaning to admit the need for a good lay.  So you need to understand your China Woman.  You really do.  Or quite frankly, you won’t get laid. 

I think Middle Aged China Woman needs to be studied by an anthropologist.

Twentysomething Girl?  Kinda different.  A phrase one often hears post coital is “I haven’t done that before”.   (you turn to see her smiling) But that is beside the point.  What’s important to note was she expressed a willingness to try something new.   No sales pitch needed.   No pedestal to step down from. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Modern China Girl won't be cleaning my grill anytime soon, and that's just fine by me.