So WHO did you Shag today?

Laowai.  We’re all the same.  Pathetic sorry creatures.  We come here for what, exactly?

Why do we come to China?

To study.

To work.

To waste a year or more of our lives in the Middle Kingdom.
Many of us take a perfectly good opportunity and do not appreciate it.  We complain, we bitch, we argue.  (None of us ever think of just going home)


Why is that?

Easy answer….

It’s because of the women. 

We’ll never have such a run in our native country.  Even the most exotic, wealthiest MAN in the States’ won’t have it as easy as he thinks he has it in China……ahhhh the opposite sex!

It’s the only place where we know we can always have a gf 20 years younger than us.

Than we have to ruin a good thing and go brag about it!

We laowai all like checking out each others babe.  We snicker when we actually see a laowai with a foreign woman.  (“what a dumbass”, we say to each other.) 

Why’s that? 

It’s because we don’t want to go through with the “trouble” of actually meeting and courting one.

Fuck that. 

Nothing exotic about seducing yet another blue eyed girl.   No mystery there.
So what’s my beef?

Simple, Laowai…..

Stop bragging about it.


For godssakes stop going on line and telling all the world how many Chinese chicks you’ve had.
Who cares?(oh, I know…someone who hasn’t spent more than 5 minutes in country and doesn’t have one himself, that’s who)

I recently came across a blog of one guy that just couldn’t shut the fuck up abt his conquests.  And yet another abt a guy who bragged abt his harem online recently.   He even offered to give advice!(isn’t this type of advice in China akin to teaching a thirsty man how to drink water?)

What ever happened to the “knowing wink”?

The code among men?

My boss shagged more prostitutes than I can shake a stick at.  Then he got rightfully fired for incompetence.  

And his replacement was even worse…on both counts! 
It seems the internet is full of these types.  Loathe to discuss anything else. 

“You don’t talk abt Fight Club”…..and in China you don’t talk abt you and your women in a public forum.  Same thing.

Anyone want to talk about Kangxi? Qianlong perhaps?  Zhenghe?   
No….?  Rather talk about something else a bit more titillating?

Alright(before marriage):

I screwed my University Chinese teacher 20 years ago.  Any of you ever do that? (I fucking thought not)

I had affairs of the most carnal nature with 3 different Chinese woman within a 24 hr period once. (Free!)

I’ve had multiple affairs with married women, and with women who had boyfriends.

One woman is a business owner of a chain store of clothing stores.  

Who have I turned down?  More than a handful.

I turned a lady down in a coffee shop once.

I also turned down a lady that was engaged to a Taiwan man.  (Poor guy…they were within a month of getting married)

But for godssakes who gives a shit?  How is this special?  Why would this be interesting?  These things happen in China everyday.  They are not special.  I've written over 100 articles on my semi dormant blog and have yet(I think) to once just sit down and BRAG.'s it braggin' if everyone's done it???  

I stopped thinking I was special when I saw the fat American guys getting a slice of Happiness.  When dudes that can't speak one sentence of Mandarin, and have zero knowledge of Chinese Culture succeed beyond their wildest dreams here guess what??  My accomplishments decrease in value!  (And so do yours!)

And yet I see everyday punkass Laowai telling our Blue Earth how badass he is! 

Oh for the love of God shut the fuck up!

I knew a laowai once with a broken leg(in a cast!)that managed to seduce a married woman.

Don’t we know there are laowai out there in China doing good things everyday, that have nothing to do with the Opposite Sex and the Laowai?

We Laowai need to raise the level of our conversation in China.  We need to stop talking online so freely abt the blindingly obvious.  Chinese read our blogs too, you know. 

So why does the Laowai feel the need to publicly express on a global forum how great he is?

Because it’s the only way to convince himself he’s a success.  The only way to paper over the sad, lonely life he leads in China.  

Why won’t he just go home?

Simple:  As long as he’s here, his family will have something to be proud of, that’s why.  

“My son is knee deep in Chinese culture!”…blah, blah, blah

Yes, I know…only a small percentage of us are so wanton to discuss our  out of control sex lives online.  But the few that do so shamelessly shout out their adventures to the world only serve to strengthen the stereotypes the “willing haters” in China have of us.   Laowai forgets that quite often our posts are translated for the Masses to read. 

So do me a favor(and a lot of others, too)

Brag abt your sex life at the bar.  Talk abt something else online.


  1. Nice humble brag. Now post the links to the other blogs thanks!


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