"I love you more"

 We Americans. 

We have too much emotion. Too many of us wear our hearts on our sleeve. 

We are too public in my view, way too public with our expressions.  Subtlety doesn't exist in America.

In China, as I've said countless times, China Wife never saw her parents kiss or hug or hold hands.  She never once saw PDA growing up.  I for one, saw my mom nude countless times growing up.  Like probably most of us, I've even walked in on my mom and dad while they were having too much fun.  I angered my dad while my mom simply came out and told us to never come in.  My parents I guess didn't have locks on their door.

And it even happened to China Wife and myself once, when I had thought I had locked the door.  All my young daughter saw of course was the back of her mother on top of me.  She stared for a moment, and closed the door behind her.  My wife was angry at me but I could care less.  Kids gotta grow up.  It's a ritual.  

Well I must admit the older I am the more I like "a few" of the subtleties of Asian Romance.  I especially disdain the phrase, "I love you".  It is the most abused phrase on the planet.  Overspoken, and mechanic.  Better fit for a meme than anything else.  

The phrase I'm hearing more frequently now is "I love you more", in response to the first person saying  "I love you".

Quite frankly the phrase is disgusting and nauseous, if overused.  "I love you" should be spoken strategically.  Rarely, and in a private moment beyond a stranger's iphone gaze.  It should not be spoken to draw attention.   It is just better to be silent.  Silence is more powerful.  One can express love more powerfully through silence than through a verbal expression.

But while Chinese are not big on verbal expression they are still big on communicating their "love". Unfortunately in China one needs symbolism to express meaning.  A line of ferrari's on a wedding day.  Bad form China Dude.   Whereas Western Man might consider that disgustingly overblown, China Man feels it the bane of his self identity if expressions of wealth are not displayed for all to see.

And so it goes.  However, many a China Girl consider "I love you" a Western "thing".   They yearn to hear it.  They yearn to tell their friends about it.  They even giggle.  But in a serious relationship China Girl will say to you as mine said to me, "stop".

I found myself way too frequently falling into the trap of feeling I had to express myself in order to be taken seriously.  Afterall, if laowai didn't say such a thing to his laowai wife, would she take him seriously herself?  Of course not!   Verbal expression is everything.  Indeed, many a laowai wife would take the ferrari.  Even drive the ferrari.  But always wonder why he never says "he loves me"?  

China Wife would never burden herself with such sentimentalities.   "He loves me", because he "gave me" this nice car.    I've already gone down the rabbit hole regarding this topic in other posts.   But hearing this "I love you more", phrase is just overkill.  Stop it already.  We Westerners need to bring back the subtlety of romance.  

Because hearing this phrase spoken in the office all damn day is just making me sick. 

That alone is a reason to get a China Wife. 


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