Why are Chinese Women so bad at choosing laowai husbands?

I've come across many Chinese women that have married laowai.

Some are happy.

Many are not.

As a crazy man married to a China Wife for a few decades now,  I've seen my share of unhappy marriages.   I'd love to talk about the many unhappy Chinese marriages themselves, but that would not be an exclusive club.  Many Americans are in unhappy marriages, Canadians, French, etc.  It is just part of life.  People grow apart.  I find the number of women however in unhappy Chinese marriages, with Chinese men however, to be proportionately higher.  I do

Alas, this is not the topic of this post.  And I've probably already written about it.  I'm closing in on 400 posts......I'd have to go back and look for it.

Instead, I want to talk about why in my view so many Chinese women have trouble finding the right laowai for them.

My answer is not language.   Sure, it would be great if many a Laowai could speak Chinese.  But doesn't many a Chinese Wife speak English?

And usually better than Laowai Man speaks Chinese.

In the past I've brought up how important it is for us to speak their language.  The better to communicate with the inlaws right?


I feel now being able to speak Mandarin, while preferable, is not key to success.  Why?  Because one is just as prone to argue with the Crazy Chinese Mother in Law as not.  And that can only lead to problems.

Case in point:

"How much money do you make?"
"What do you drive?"
"Can  you help my nephew get a job?"
"Why did you change job"?

However, from my experience it is the more mundane stuff that really stands out.

"Why do you watch TV when  you see me vacuuming the floor like this?"
"Close the door to the refrigerator".
"Replace the trash bag."

"No wonder you are who you are, you obviously have bad parents."  (This is when I envision myself being arrested for battery)

On and on and on.

Yeah, it's great to speak your wife's language.  I have no problem with that.  However, just remember, that opens up a whole different can of worms.  And you cannot run from it.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss after all.

Other reasons China Wife doesn't get along with Laowai Husband is simple enough;  they hate foreign cooking, and only want to eat their own food.  Actually, they usually only want to have Chinese friends as well.   They only want to shop in Chinese markets, and only want to go to Chinese bakeries etc.

They don't like our sweet food.
And I don't know about your country but in mine, very few of them like Southern Food.  White gravy and biscuits, etc.

Both Laowai Man and China Wife are under great pressure when married, if only because they are under such an intense microscope.  Albeit China Wife's life is under far more acute observation than ours ever will be. 

All the same I've found way too many Chinese Women have simply made poor choices when marrying.

One woman married a man who later went to jail, and I believe is still in jail.  They have a beautiful kid, and they are relatively poor.  And I feel sorry for them.

Another married a man and divorced in like a year.  She has a beautiful young daughter as well.  The mom is smart and intelligent.  Her husband is loser.  Probably makes half the $ of the former wife.  In essence, she basically married down.

Another divorced and lives in an apartment complex not far from me.

Still another married a 300 lb man.  A newspaper delivery manager.  That is, he was the one responsible for arranging deliveries for the local paper, who got what neighborhoods etc.  But he was massively overweight.  She obviously married for the Green Card.  He knew it.  She knew he knew it.   They had stopped having sex early in their marriage.

Still another met her husband online.  He is a loser as well.  Unsteady job.  She is an accomplished and talented Director in a small firm.  And works very hard.  They simply keep separate working hours.  Probably to avoid sex.  She sleeps when he wakes up.  I see the sadness in her eyes everyday.

Everyone of these women would throw themselves at me(or any laowai that can speak Chinese) in a millisecond if they had the chance.   Or any laowai with a steady job.

Another is still married to a dude, a fellow at least 15 years her senior. She was his tour guide in China, and they eventually married.   The husband is funny fellow.  A retired professor, and he manages all the money.  He is ruthless.  She doesn't work.  I wouldn't say they are terribly happy, but hey life isn't a game show right?

And then you have me.  You are all so sick and tired of hearing me bitch about me bitching.  And I don't divorce because it doesn't economically make sense.  Simple as that.  Have I fallen in love since I was married many moons ago? I have indeed.  And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Meanwhile, many a Chinese divorcee ie escapee from a Chinese Man, has fallen all over themselves to hook up with a Laowai.  One talented Chinese lady I know, after her husband died, moved away, and came to our city, eventually becoming the company slut, so to speak.  She banged two laowai not just in her own company, but her own damn department!

Still I feel Chinese women pretty much suck when it comes to finding a foreign man.  Their parents, their upbringing, none of that prepared them for life with a barbarian. Simple as that.  Perhaps this relates more to the older generation of the 80's.  I think it might.  They are simply more hard headed.  Far more conservative.    The younger generation isn't as dazzled or confused, much less overwhelmed by the Men beyond the Heavenly Kingdom's borders as their mothers.  It's much less about a Green Card and more about expressing their independence.  And they probably don't care half as much if they fail either.


  1. Entertaining and thought-provoking, enjoyed it. I wonder how much of the anecdotes you mention apply to all women…
    I have never been in a relationship with an Asian woman, just a one nighter quickie when I was in the army as a very young man. Asian women strike me as being rather cold and seemingly devoid of 'personality. Past a purely physical attraction, I think it's probably hard for a lot of corn-bread white boys to envision romance and "love" with a Chinese woman or just about any other Asian for that matter. Maybe I am in the extreme minority, but if my take is common, it might explain why so many Chinese gals end up with shitty white boy husbands��

    1. Hmmmm

      Rather, if more of you corn fed fellas simply entered the pool of applicants perhaps we'd have a higher rice harvest......;-)


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