When Chinese argue in America

Have you ever had an argument with China Girl?  Sure you have.

It's usually a sharp intense moment, and then if you're grown up, it’s done.  End of Story.  But not for China Girl.  Fuck no.  You see, China Girls blood is up, and she ain't havin' it.  This episode, this scene, this moment in time is not OVER until China Girl says it is.  Understand?

First you will give your gentle China Girl a bemused look, sorta how one gives a young child when that young child is "serious" and "stern" with you.   I remember when my five year old insisted I get her makeup when we were both at CVS many, many moons ago.  I got the finger shook at me and everything.  How cute!

Well, that was my initial "look" with China Girl.   And this is indeed the way I acted towards China Girl since before we got hitched many millennia ago.  Only over time has it faded.  Have we had shouting matches?  Yeah we have.   Have the kids seen them?  Unfortunately, yes.  Have we both mellowed?  Yep, you know it.

Still there is one thing that in my view separates the Chinese from everyone else; their ability, their willingness to "have it out" in public for all to see.

You see, China Girl vs China Girl is a cat fight.  But middle aged China Wife vs middle aged China Woman is a paper fight.  Lots of ink is spilled and trees felled. 

Still, violent behavior more common in larger cities, without question.  And I think America is no different.  With the exception of Tokyo, and Hong Kong (seriously), I think I've seen street violence just about everywhere.  But that hasn't precluded my seeing other Chinese go after each other in public.  From young couples at a bus stop to middle aged couples on a street in Shanghai.

But what I want to talk about is what happens when China Girl comes across someone just like her? That is, when a Chinese argues with another Chinese, for all to see.  The same temper, the same "go to hell or I'll kick your ass" look?  The one thing that DOES NOT happen is a quick end to the story.   Because a "real" Chinese Girl has Face man.

And that Face is important.  It's as valuable as virginity.  Because once you lose it, you ain't ever getting that thing back.

 The need to constantly "one up" the other.  When Chinese bitch, complain or simply argue with one another, the infantile aspects of their personality heed no one.  They flush all sanity and civility away.

Face takes over.  Mentioned in good times and bad, the ugly side of Face is embarrassing for all to see.   And see it we do.  Currently China Wife (as Face conscious a China Woman if there ever was one), is in the battle of her life.

China Wife is a community leader here, amongst the Chinese.  She leads a group of over 400 teachers and students on a weekly basis, for near volunteer wages, simply to help out.  Then one day several years ago she was asked by her predecessor to help create a bank account.   Always willing to help out, without asking Me (China Wife likes to keep me "out" of her affairs.  As we shall see, that was a dumb move.)

So off Little Miss China Wife goes, hopscotching to the local bank.   Creates an account, and then leaves.  Unbeknownst to her, her name was put on the account as well.  And just like that, she's now accused of creating a secret slush fund.  The years pass, when suddenly another China Woman accused China Wife of keeping a slush fund.  Why?  Because her dumbass name is on the account.

And she didn't even know it.

Now, reeling, she has to produce documentation for every damn dime that she has spent over the past five years.  Quite the headache.

But you know, she's a volunteer right?  She could've said "no".

But she didn't.  Accused in public as she was, amongst all Chinese, she now had to "fight" for her honor. 

I'd seen this play out before.  Saturday night conference calls.   Twenty mile trips to for board meetings.   Once on our way to a family Saturday night movie, some dude called China Wife wanting to talk about this issue.

I spoke out in a loud voice so he could hear,

"Isn't this guy married?"

China Wife exploded.

Dude, it's Saturday night.  You hang out with your China Wife, I'll hang out with mine.  Ok?

So who is this equally crazy China Woman harassing China Wife?   For starters, she has alot of time on her hands.  That's a red flag right there.   But once she accused China Wife in a public setting of maintaining a slush fund, it was game on.   The letters from lawyers flew fast and furious.  One letter by the way is around $500.  

(Remember children, the lawyers always win in the end.  The more you argue, the richer they get....)

Finally I told China Wife what she was up against, but was blinded by fury to see.

"This woman had nothing to do, but bully you, ok?  The best thing you can do is simply ignore her.  End of story.  Don't respond to her lawyer's threats.  Certainly don't respond to some random letter from a forensic company asking for records.  Screw those folks.  "

Indeed, the biggest problem with this Crazy China Woman was that she was "bored!".

And Hell hath no Fury like a bored China Woman with both time and money on her hands. 

So this is what China Wife is up against.  And I'm here to tell you its no fun  Not at the dinner table, nor in the bedroom.  The stress level in our house has risen.  Sex is something I can only experience via the incognito browser.

But when Chinese are involved, and the arena roaring with anticipation, the "show" must go on.  China Wife simply couldn't help herself. 

I told her my one golden rule was "don't spend our money".    

So as I write this the struggle between irresistible force and immovable object doth continue.  Factions are created, battle lines drawn.

I only hope China Wife will win.  For if she doesn't there will be the longest shadow cast over this household.  China Wife is obviously not corrupt, and is certainly not guilty of fraud or embezzlement, or what have you.  Her only sin is an innocent wish to do well, to "volunteer" for everything.   But none of that will matter when winners and losers are chosen, within this Chinese Community of ours. 

Both the winner and loser will be spoken of for the longest time.