We must all have a second job

Well, I'm having quite the spell.  I didn't realize I'd gone two whole weeks without a post until yesterday.  And you know what?  I didn't feel bad in the least.

But I do apologize.  Last week we were on a family trip, and this weekend I'm off yet again to China  until the end of October.   I will try like hell to get another post off before the weekend but don't count on it.

As for this post, this is my second go around.  My old trusty laptop just died on me a page into my new post, forcing me to retreat beyond the cocoon of my safety blanket onto a desktop(!) of all things.

At least the post I will try and write today won't need the typical 4-5 days of preparation before posting!

This is a post I've been wanting to put out for the last few days or so.  What is my issue?

China Wife complains I don't make enough money.  And I hate it.  I resent her for it.

I admit I've spoiled China Wife.  In the past I made enough and then some. And she got used to it.

But now those days seem to be gone.  As such China Wife with a straight face wants me to get a "second job".   Make more money.  End of story.

I make 6 figures.  Low six I know but still 6.  It seems I've been caught within her web of never ending demands and expected sacrifice.  And it pisses my off.

In short, China Wife judges me purely on what I make.  And nothing else.  Not as a loving father, nor how I contribute around the house.

I find myself with China Wife wondering how much longer this can go on?  She can't justify why I need to make more money.   Yeah, my family needs more income.  Though our family income is quite high, all I need do is look at the nightmare of 8 years of continuous college tuition staring me in the eye, to tell me what I will need to do.

I sometimes wonder why the fuss?  Is this just a motivating ploy of China Wife?  Or does she really, really think I'm slacking here?  Then I go back over the past decade and remember the things previously said to me:

"We need a newer house.  I want a million dollar house."
"I want another Lexus".

China Wife is simply caught up in the "keeping up with the Jones' routine that every American only knows too well.  And as long as Chinese keep showing off their newest toy, China Wife will somehow feel inadequate.

When will it stop?
I don't think it ever will.

Indeed, I think this is how China Wife is made.  This is how she is built.  A woman of the 80's, conservative and traditional.  Traditional enough to still care enough about Face, to my detriment and everyone else that lives within our four walls.

Funny her friends say she did not become so traditional and conservative until she married a laowai.

I choose to be defiant.  My usual cocky self.  Two qualities China Wife can never accept in her man.

I find myself wondering how my life would've wound up if married with an American woman?  Would my wife be complaining my 6 figure salary was too low?  Or our house with a pool too old?  Or that we need another Lexus because well you know, one isn't enough...?

It pains me so to be judged by my salary.  To be judged as a human being on a monetary basis.

"My husband doesn't make enough therefore he's not really working hard enough."

Is my salary to be the final arbiter of how hard I work?  Or of how I stack up as a person?   Unfortunately, I think the answer is "yes".

I can only imagine the response China Wife would have if she knew I write a blog.  Over 300 posts spanning 6 years.  I'm quite certain she would do more than foam at the mouth.   She would be quite indignant. 

"Why do you write these stupid things that no one cares about?  All this time you could've been making more money!!!"

I feel sorry for China Man.   He's not built to respond the way most Western Men are.  Because quite possibly his parents are built the same way China Wife is, too.  And her parents.  In China, a person is simply judged by how much they make.  More and more.  Not so much by 素质。 Not by their contributions volunteering on their daughters's swim team.   Or involvement in the local HOA.

(For my non American readers, the HOA is a committee that local homeowners form to keep their local neighborhoods clean, and to ensure everyone follows and obeys the rules of the community, in order to keep everybody's home values high.  Nearly every American neighborhood has one.)

Alas, "what have you done for me" is the anthem and living principle it seems of China Wife.  And of the China Nation?  I would say, "yeah", probably so.  Without question probably so.


  1. I think the money obsession is pretty true the world over; the Chinese are just worse about it. Humans particularly hate stepping down from a higher perch, so if your income has fallen that is more of an issue. Really depends on the women and what they want out life. If you married a women (Chinese or American)that was more into her kids (not a dragon lady view of kids; but one that views family as the most important thing)you may have been happier and less stressed. But, I highly doubt she would been much of a looker or exiting to marry.

    Hope to see more posts from your upcoming China trip.

    1. In regards to your last comment, China Wife is hot. Especially for her age. Boring, oh so boring and mechanical in bed. You are of course correct that all cultures to some degree stress about money. I have no qualm or argument with that. My wife is very much into our kids. Some would think she's perfect. In particular Chinese Men content to let China Wife raise the kids. Maybe I'm the problem...?

    2. I think it really depends on what a women wants for her kids. Even among American-born females there is a real divide between the type of women who want their kids to be uber successful and will push them in various ways to achieve that versus the type that just wants their kids to be happy in life. Of course, some of this more class orientation than looks per se, but growing up I lived in an area that was a mix of working class (farmers and labor)and upper middle-class as the area was changing from rural to expensive suburbs. I got to see the two groups of all of the time, and even then it seemed like for the most part (outside money issues) the working-class kids and their parents were happier people, and content with their lives, while the upper middle-class kids and particularly their mothers were usually miserable. I think its even worse these days.

  2. Kurt here hope you are doing well. I feel sorry for you mate. But I've noticed as well with all women it's not what you have done for me but what can you do for me now. It's in women's nature to be like that imo. From last time we have spoke I have made a killing monetary wise. And the Chinese gf knows a cent of it wont be spent on her for marriage or a ring or her parents. And if shes unhappy I said shes free to leave. But shes still around. Having kids is the troubling part. I'm sure with your case as well it puts too mu h power in to her court. I've finally left China and never going back to that dumpster again. Worst ppl on earth. I had stars in my eyes before thinking about moving there (9months I was there) and learned the language to about hsk6. What a waste that is. Chinese men are like robots for the most part. I have Korean Taiwan Japanese friends but no Chinese and that's amazing especially bc I live in Australia and half the city is Chinese. All living and learning Chinese has made me detest 98% of them.

    1. Interesting experience you had in China. Why did you hate so much?

    2. Kurt glad you made some coin. You made a keen observation. That you have many Asian friends but not too many Chinese friends. I've heard of others with a similar experience. However, make no mistake, I for one do have many, many Chinese friends. I like China, and the longer I am there, the more I tend to. I think one must "get over the hump" before that can be said.

      Interesting observation you made regarding your GF. She saw the $ you made, and yes I would say you are correct, it quite possibly upset her that marriage would not come from it. And she chose to stay with you.

      I find that many Chinese "choose" to maintain contact with me simply because they think it's cool to know a laowai. It keeps their life interesting.

    3. Just saw this post as I occasionally check on your blog, which i love finding new posts. Contrary to what I said I now have an itching to go back to China. The visa problem is a big hassle, why go to China when i can go to Taiwan without a visa and stay for 3 months. Last time i intended to stay in China for 4 months paid 120k rmb for rent upfront and then had a visa issue in HK after 2 months, in which China gave me back a 5 day visa!!! I was attending school and re-homed 2 kittens plus spent absurd amounts of money in the country, really feels like they spat in my face.

  3. I feel you, I really do. I mean is out there any white man with nice experience, pleasant life with Chinese wife? Is just Chinese as a nation are primitive and without morals. I met my Taiwanese wife back at uni, she was super nice, back then virgin shy girl. We dated for years, I moved to Taiwan, I worked hard, making a lot of money, was loyal, respect her parents (in the old Chinese fashion). I almost settle down in Taiwan. We have moved to Europe, cause I felt her family want to marry me in. We got a son recently. Few weeks after labour I found out she had long term affair with one random waiguoren, which we met together in cafeteria many years ago when having small chat. Every time I went home or on a business trip, this guy was banging her.
    So what did I do? I kicked both of em out of my house, my wife and my mother in law (she came to help us with newborn in Europe).
    Wife and mother in law attacked me, wife threats to commit suicide. So what did I do? I used violence back. They understand fastly devil took a joke.
    I kept a son, while they went to hotel.
    When all of us calm down few days later, I called em for talk. And I did Chinese way, bring my family in. Uncles and my cousins. We made them sure will never give up on our blood, son with our surname.
    Wife is sorry and her parents trying to keep family face ofc, asking her to be humble wife. They sent money to us and said they wish us all the best. Mother in law went back to Taiwan, while I took wife back.
    She would like to stay with me, and raising up son. She trying really hard for months, while me - well I do not give much damn anymore. We cut all of Chinese stuff, and am not hanging out with Chinese anymore. She hugs me every night crying saying she loves me too much to lose me.
    Just another day, just another story of waiguren experience with Chinese. You gotta be hard, rough with them, and better having position, otherwise Chinese will abuse you.
    Is sad, but this is how you have to deal with them. I put all of my assets under my parents name (good lawyer helped this). She will get nothing at divorce.

    Just ignore your wife mate, she is housewife with too much time. Can you protect your assets? Always be ready for divorce. Always be willing to walk away. Chinese only respect strength.

    1. Well Luckyme, I bet she was banging him when you were in Taiwan as well. She probably should've kept silent about the affair. Best you don't know. I think you are a big man to take her back, but your son needs a mom. The mother in law loses the face. But again for those of you who have read my blog, you all know I am no Saint either.

      I'm jealous and happy for you to hear your wife hugs you everynight. My wife hasn't hugged me in a long, long time. And I think that's normal within China. I simply try and hug my kids whenever I can, simply to let them know this type of behavior isn't normal.

      Thx for the post...keep us informed of how things progress with you and China Wife.

    2. Well yea, you could be right. Probably they had few bangs when i was in Taiwan too. It does not matter now. She was my UNI sweetheart, and she broke the bubble.

      Outside of taiwan i had few night stands, but no long term affair.Did not want to break her heart. I found out for affair randomly, guy photos pop up on facebook and her eyes blinked. I knew in a second. Punch her hard and she broke in a second. Is my turn to have more fun. Time is cruel revenge for a women. While i get better and better. Let me come up with a plan, how to go for business to China or Taiwan.

      Am positive she loves me crazy, why to stay with me after all of it and lowering herself. I can get blowjob anytime i want. It was always like this. She hugs and wanna come to me every night. In the end her folks are rich and she is just turning 30. Could go back home. His parents are old fashioned Chinese just with difference they love each other. Mum is def a big keeper. I loved wife crazy, but never planned to marry her, until i saw her family and specially mother. Mother is big keeper. My state of mind was to enjoy as long it last, and after it jump to mainland banging many girls and finally learn mandarin. But her folks were like you should marry each other, you love each other and we like you a lot. I paid tradition, but her father paid too.

      And yea was always hard with her, cause wife is crazy passive and have no opinion on whatever. She is like flower waving in winds. Totally confused in life, here in Europe, without her family.

      Maybe i should not go into full anger mood. But man and his ego...

      Love to read you and keep coming up with work. Stay strong

    3. Lucky Me,

      I am regular reader of this blog. If it makes you feel better, in my experience Chinese (including Taiwanese) in general are pretty repressed socially well into their college years due the massive over control of all aspects of their lives by their parents when they are younger. They basically never get to have the rebellion stage in their teenage/early twenties that is typical in the West or even these days in Japan/Korea. So if you meet a typical Chinese (particular females) at a university they seem so childlike and pure. The downside is the crazy period tends to be transferred to their mid-late twenties instead. So they do a bunch of stupid things that you and I did when we were like 15. So hopefully your wife has finally grown up and moved beyond that. Good luck with everything, and a shout out to you for doing the right thing for you kid.

  4. I know the feeling bro'
    Luckily I didn't made the choice/mistake to marry a chinese girl, but I have been pretty close

  5. Guys...slow down! These Chinese Girls are a different culture. However, it is hard when young to appreciate or fully understand a culture so different from ours. Even the Japanese culture is not as mysterious. We must remember these girls all take a big chance when marrying a laowai. A huge gamble. And whatever we do, we must not resort to physical violence. That is a "no-no". Even having a foreign boyfriend can cause a lot of stress in their lives.

  6. From what I have experienced and heard in a large majority of cases it is the Chinese women going crazy and using violence. Throwing stuff, punching, scratching and kicking. The gf seems to think this is normal in her friend circles. She has tried this once with me and her stuff was packed and sent out the door only to forgive her.

    1. I've seen both. So many daughters grow up watching their father cook, clean, etc. My own father in law couldn't even go to his brothers funeral. His China Wife wouldn't allow it. Point is, they grow up thinking its normal for a man to be this way.....they don't realize their need to have control over a man is what causes China Man to go out and half the time cheat.


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