Sex with China Wife, Child of the 80's

What to do when China Wife wants to give up sex?

China Wife is starting to drop some major hints about our sex life together, and well, I can’t say that makes me a happy camper.  Nor can I say I'm surprised.

My wife isn’t ugly.  Far from it.  She has a nice body.  But to Husband of Tigermom, I still need my fix.

School days are nigh impossible.  Weekends increase in probability but are still no guarantee.  I won’t say I live for sex, except as some of the readers of this blog would guess that’s a lie.  A big lie.  Sex rocks. 

As I’ve written multiple times in the past， China Wife feels the node of her existence is too emotionally pummel not just her kids but her husband as well, in order to better impose her will.  Find me a student of Chinese parents excelling in school and I’ll find you an emotional zombie devoid of both self esteem and confidence.   Long since beaten down by China Mom.

This past weekend China Wife tried to beat me down, too.  When uphappy with something I do or say she will start off with the usual heart piercing comedowns:  my family sucks.    They are nothing but a bunch of 土包子。 Her disdain for my family is so great and overwhelming it borders on the need for psychotherapy.    But unlike someone new to Chinese culture, I have learned how to parry.

“Why do you try and beat me down so”? I asked her.

“Because you are too self confident”, she replied.

In a way I’m a perfect match for China Wife.   I have a good job, and a big enough house.   We have a luxury vehicle.  I am a soccer dad and I even wash the dishes.   Last night I made dinner.

While not obscenely successful I can still with merit throw plenty of visuals in my wife’s face when she gets “too uppity” with her emotional mind games.

And well…China Wife hates it.  Every moment of it.

She hates the fact I won’t melt when she splashes water on me.  But part of me wonders the same about her.

I carry my swagger into the bedroom.   Fuck yeah I do.

The things I say to China Wife are not necessarily X Rated.   But the pillow talk is all the same something China Husband would never say to China Wife.   I sometimes wonder how Chinese couples our age  sexually get along?   Fundamentally speaking I know all too well how curious My China Wife’s friends are of this laowai.   I like to tease China Wife by telling her how lucky she is to have a laowai sex slave at her beck and call.   If only she’d take more advantage of the privilege!  

  

Indeed, I tell her how good “she’s got it” all the time.   If only because I know that is not something culturally speaking China Man would say.  It is this type of cockiness China Wife absolutely disdains.   It is what she at times will work so hard to dispel.  And it is probably the chief attraction itself of her own curiosity towards China Man. 

I like to tease China Wife out loud by wondering which of her friends probably fantasizes about me the most when having sex with their own husbands?   And I’ll be honest.  I sometimes wonder about them, too.  One can easily tell which ones they are.  The wandering, curious look they all have.  The way their eyes linger upon you.  The quick wave of the hand when they see you at an event.

Part of me understands the intense attention any Tigermom spends on her kids is partially due to the boredom and lack of excitement she already feels in her own life.   I try and feel empathy, knowing most of the hollowness in their own life is part of the cultural environment they live in.

Without asking I already know their stories; married college sweetheart, married first boyfriend, no sex after birth of child, husband and wife sleeping in separate beds.  

It’s sad really. People our age or even a bit younger already giving up on Happiness (whoops I mean Sex).  Meanwhile they continue to stay hidden inside their big houses, occasionally coming out to mingle with other China Friends.

Everyone knows my rules of the road when it comes to marrying a Chinese:  no rich girls, no only child.  That will solve 90% of your marital problems right there.   Well, be sure not to marry a child of the 80’s either.  Sex will be the first thing that goes.   Sometimes I feel they honestly believe sex is something only “young people do”.  

As if having sex is only a phase in one’s life, that passes by and is gone forever.   Or that Sex is something to be done for a singular purpose only; to have kids.

Don’t get me wrong.  Our sex life has lasted pretty long.  Longer than most any other Chinese couples I know.  It is still common enough.  A few times a week.  But I know you wouldn’t believe me if I told you it was still all fun and games.  It’s no chore mind you.   But sex with China Wife from the 80’s and Beyond is all too mechanical.  Without going into detail, some sexual positions with China Wife are gone forever.

So why wouldn’t a middle aged laowai lose himself making love to a twenty something China Girl?

And this is where perhaps cultural divides make themselves known. For most Western Men, Sex in ones 40’s and hopefully 50’s is still very much the norm.  I’m just finding that with China Wife it is not.   As I lack much sexual experience with women in their 40’s and up, I admit to being a bit confused at times.  Is this an individual problem or simply a cultural one?   Or is China Wife just tired of my laowai 小弟弟？

More and more I believe I think it’s a combination of both.  China Wife never grew up around affection.  Her parents never hugged her, and her parents have slept in separate rooms for as long as she can recall. And yet they never divorce.  They frequently travel on holiday separately. 

As such China Wife has in a way internally “learned” this behavior.   As such, the role of “Sex” in the life of China Wife is increasingly nonexistent.  Much better to go to a dinner party with friends and complain how useless I am.   Or to just complain.  

In the West us laowai husbands, and probably Chinese Men as well, would learn to work around the problem.   But in China the solution to living with China Wife is plain to all; just get a girlfriend.   I am always amused at the female readers I have that bemoan this type of behavior. 

China Wife gives up sex and China Husband is supposed to…..say ok?

And the male readers that ridicule Husband of Tigermom with taunting phrases such as “just get a divorce”! 

And give up half of my imaginary wealth? 

Umm….let me think about that.   But I need to ask in return; is it really as simple as a tradeoff?   Less money for me is ok if it means more sex with someone new down the road? Or vice versa?

I know the end of my sexual life with China Wife is only a matter of time.  Passion dissipitates in exchange for that old stand by just “get it when you can” mentality.  So I guess that is what I will eventually have to do.  Stop complaining and accept my fate.  And just get it when I can.