More thoughts on Middle Aged China Wife

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I know I’ve done a lot of talking…writing, to you all about China Girl and China Woman.   I realize I’ve consistently stated across the spectrum that at the end of the day, Middle Aged China Girl is probably the best fit.  Emotionally speaking, there is no contest.  She’s less vulnerable to parental peer pressure, jaded, ie divorced or in a marriage(like so many Chinese women today) devoid of passion.    More willing to accept you for both what you are and for how thin your wallet may be.
That is, if you meet her during this time frame.

If you have grown up with China Woman as I have, I don’t think the above applies.  China Woman is boring.  Just fucking, out of this world dull.   It is not that they have resigned themselves to raising the kids and folding the laundry.   It is not that they are in bed as progressive as a dinosaur.  Rather the complete package.

I just find this whole Middle Aged China Woman thing nothing but a drag at times.    As I’ve alluded to before, China Woman is without doubt at the end of the day the reason China Man likes China Girl.  She will fuck you like a porn star, and giggle while doing it.  Middle Aged China Woman will not.  I find the sex woefully robotic.   I need to be careful when I discuss Mainland Middle Aged China Woman in America as opposed to my boring ass, China Wife.  But alas, I find they are all the same.   Their views are identical.  English mediocre.  They like to mingle amongst themselves.   Rarely if ever socializing outside their own insular group.  Dinners outside the house are rare, unless it is to a Chinese restaurant.    China Girl meanwhile wants to go to a movie.  I took my wife to see the Hobbit and she fell asleep.

China Wife in America spends her nights watching the same Chinese Talent Shows.  Me?  I’m doing something else.   And maybe that’s the sad thing.  I’m doing it alone.

“Stop bitching”, you say.

Well….sorry, but I can’t.

This blog is for posts such as these. 

Does China Wife do a great job taking care of the home?  Indeed.   Does she do a great job taking care of the kids?  Indeed she does.  

China Wife does everything she feels and things she is supposed to do.  
So should I just shut up?  Walk away and accept my fate?  Happy to have that bowl of warm rice served to me every night? 

Or am I just the spoiled Husband of China Wife who doesn’t know how good he’s got it? 

I find China Wife at middle age to be emotionally vacant.  Risk adverse.  Dull.   Still I wonder…. if I was to meet her for the first time at this time of my life if….would I think the same way about her?  
Every middle aged man that finds he has been with a woman too long understands these thoughts.

Is there really anything different between Boring China Wife and a Western Wife?    Can’t say.   Am I guilty to want more from China Wife? 

Sex is a difficult thing to muster.  I find myself having to take the initiative all the time.   Yet I appreciate the fact my wife despite her age easily has the body of a 30 year old.    Yet I already know what will happen during playtime.  I know what I will do….and how she will react.   I know what she doesn’t like, and what is not going to happen. 

China Girl and China Woman are in my mind two distantly related subsets of the same species.  That’s it.  Despite my wives cultural sophistication, and ability to move between two cultures, she is through and through an old school product of an old school upbringing.    Devoid of sentimentality.   Rueful of what could’ve been in the China of the last twenty years if only she would not have so foolishly become entangled with a laowai.   Refusing to live life like the twenty something she once was.  Going out of her way to act her “age”.   Instilling fear in the children.   I told them a few days ago to “make sure to give your mom a hug” tonight, only to get the immediate reply, “Mommy doesn’t like hugs.”
I know the end does not always justify the means.   Still, I try and find myself trying to believe it does.

Comments

  1. UnknownOctober 3, 2015 at 12:53 PM

    Certainly not unique to China Wife, though I think she may have more self-erected walls around her making it harder to break out of the doldrums, should even the desire to change ever come to mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fletcher Francis FontenotOctober 6, 2015 at 10:32 PM

      Perceptive comment, Mike. She does have "walls"....they all do.
      Rather, China Wife today is nothing if not encrusted within a mold of stoic bliss. The man makes his money(ie does his job). The kids make good grades, and the wife has her material things. She has the nice luxury car and the big house. But within her world, the world of the upper class Chinese diaspora, she is increasingly NOT standing out. Thus the drive to obtain more, all the while neglecting the needs of her spouse. My wife honestly speaking would fit perfectly within China today. Would not stand out in the least.

      Delete
  2. AnonymousOctober 3, 2015 at 7:44 PM

    You're not the only one! Preach it! Enjoyed reading...

    Please write more. And it's not bitching - it's letting us know that you're not alone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fletcher Francis FontenotOctober 6, 2015 at 10:34 PM

      Much thx for the encouragement. It's a fine line between bitching and being a whiner. Without forgetting the goal is to keep sane through it all.

      Delete
  3. AnonymousOctober 5, 2015 at 8:48 AM

    Of course your complaints are valid, but I don't think your wife is unique. It is the society and very related to the Confucian background. Women "graduate" from whore to mother, and there is no going back. Usually around the time kids are born. Western women have models like Madonna who shows it is fine for middle-age women to still be sexual. There is a reason why it is basically accepted that China Man will play with China Girl. If you can't beat join them.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fletcher Francis FontenotOctober 6, 2015 at 10:26 PM

      So is this characteristic socially acceptable? I believe it's just taken as a given. But I do know this...Chinese woman have passion! They just need it unlocked. This is something rarely talked about within Chinese society today, ie, the "affairs" married women have. The percentage is certainly higher than one is led to believe. Such is the consequence of arranged marriages today.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousOctober 7, 2015 at 1:29 PM

      Yes it is acceptable as long China Man has the money to give China Women mianzi. I agree about the married women having affairs; the result of people who are not or ever have been in love.

      Delete
  4. RSGOctober 5, 2015 at 5:11 PM

    I don't think this is unique to Chinese women. Many middle-aged Western women will have roughly the same attitudes towards sex. At least she keeps house for you (white women don't do that anymore), although her coldness to the children is definitely more Chinese than Western.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fletcher Francis FontenotOctober 6, 2015 at 10:22 PM

    And I would say RSG that you are correct. I was actually thinking that while writing this post. The lack of sentimentality is something I've been pondering for awhile. It is on my list.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousOctober 7, 2015 at 7:58 AM

    Sentimentality is not in the China Mother/China Wife's job description. Having kids and pushing them Tiger Mom style to succeed is. Your job (like China Man) is to bring home the bacon. Those are the defined roles in Chinese society, White women may not do housework, but they in general show warmth to children and somewhat to their husbands. It depends on the martial relationship of course.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Fletcher Francis FontenotOctober 8, 2015 at 2:03 AM

    Yep, you are dead on....I've written a post about that somewhere but I'm afraid I've got so many it would take me awhile to hunt down....try my "Tigermom" series.

    Unfortunately, I've seen many a man deadened by this experience. Judged by what "they make" rather than the time they spend with the kids. Metrics all messed up.

    ReplyDelete

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