More thoughts on Middle Aged China Wife
I know I’ve done a lot of talking…writing, to you all about
China Girl and China Woman. I realize I’ve
consistently stated across the spectrum that at the end of the day, Middle Aged
China Girl is probably the best fit. Emotionally
speaking, there is no contest. She’s
less vulnerable to parental peer pressure, jaded, ie divorced or in a
marriage(like so many Chinese women today) devoid of passion. More willing to accept you for both what
you are and for how thin your wallet may be.
That is, if you meet her during this time frame.
If you have grown up with China Woman as I have, I don’t
think the above applies. China Woman is
boring. Just fucking, out of this world
dull. It is not that they have resigned themselves
to raising the kids and folding the laundry. It is
not that they are in bed as progressive as a dinosaur. Rather the complete package.
I just find this whole Middle Aged China Woman thing nothing
but a drag at times. As I’ve alluded to before, China Woman is
without doubt at the end of the day the reason China Man likes China Girl. She will fuck you like a porn star, and
giggle while doing it. Middle Aged China
Woman will not. I find the sex woefully
robotic. I need to be careful when I discuss
Mainland Middle Aged China Woman in America as opposed to my boring ass, China
Wife. But alas, I find they are all the
same. Their views are identical. English mediocre. They like to mingle amongst themselves. Rarely if ever socializing outside their own
insular group. Dinners outside the house
are rare, unless it is to a Chinese restaurant.
China Girl meanwhile wants to go
to a movie. I took my wife to see the
Hobbit and she fell asleep.
China Wife in America spends her nights watching the same
Chinese Talent Shows. Me? I’m doing something else. And maybe that’s the sad thing. I’m doing it alone.
“Stop bitching”, you say.
Well….sorry, but I can’t.
This blog is for posts such as these.
Does China Wife do a great job taking care of the home? Indeed.
Does she do a great job taking care of the kids? Indeed she does.
China Wife does everything she feels and things she is
supposed to do.
So should I just shut up?
Walk away and accept my fate? Happy
to have that bowl of warm rice served to me every night?
Or am I just the spoiled Husband of China Wife who doesn’t
know how good he’s got it?
I find China Wife at middle age to be emotionally
vacant. Risk adverse. Dull.
Still I wonder…. if I was to meet her for the first time at this time of
my life if….would I think the same way about her?
Every middle aged man that finds he has been with a woman
too long understands these thoughts.
Is there really anything different between Boring China Wife
and a Western Wife? Can’t say.
Am I guilty to want more from China Wife?
Sex is a difficult thing to muster. I find myself having to take the initiative
all the time. Yet I appreciate the fact
my wife despite her age easily has the body of a 30 year old. Yet I already know what will happen during
playtime. I know what I will do….and how
she will react. I know what she doesn’t
like, and what is not going to happen.
China Girl and China Woman are in my mind two distantly
related subsets of the same species. That’s
it. Despite my wives cultural
sophistication, and ability to move between two cultures, she is through and
through an old school product of an old school upbringing. Devoid of sentimentality. Rueful of what could’ve been in the China of
the last twenty years if only she would not have so foolishly become entangled
with a laowai. Refusing to live life
like the twenty something she once was. Going
out of her way to act her “age”. Instilling
fear in the children. I told them a few
days ago to “make sure to give your mom a hug” tonight, only to get the
immediate reply, “Mommy doesn’t like hugs.”
I know the end does not always justify the means. Still, I try and find myself trying to believe
it does.
Certainly not unique to China Wife, though I think she may have more self-erected walls around her making it harder to break out of the doldrums, should even the desire to change ever come to mind.
ReplyDeletePerceptive comment, Mike. She does have "walls"....they all do.
DeleteRather, China Wife today is nothing if not encrusted within a mold of stoic bliss. The man makes his money(ie does his job). The kids make good grades, and the wife has her material things. She has the nice luxury car and the big house. But within her world, the world of the upper class Chinese diaspora, she is increasingly NOT standing out. Thus the drive to obtain more, all the while neglecting the needs of her spouse. My wife honestly speaking would fit perfectly within China today. Would not stand out in the least.
You're not the only one! Preach it! Enjoyed reading...
ReplyDeletePlease write more. And it's not bitching - it's letting us know that you're not alone.
Much thx for the encouragement. It's a fine line between bitching and being a whiner. Without forgetting the goal is to keep sane through it all.
DeleteOf course your complaints are valid, but I don't think your wife is unique. It is the society and very related to the Confucian background. Women "graduate" from whore to mother, and there is no going back. Usually around the time kids are born. Western women have models like Madonna who shows it is fine for middle-age women to still be sexual. There is a reason why it is basically accepted that China Man will play with China Girl. If you can't beat join them.....
ReplyDeleteSo is this characteristic socially acceptable? I believe it's just taken as a given. But I do know this...Chinese woman have passion! They just need it unlocked. This is something rarely talked about within Chinese society today, ie, the "affairs" married women have. The percentage is certainly higher than one is led to believe. Such is the consequence of arranged marriages today.
DeleteYes it is acceptable as long China Man has the money to give China Women mianzi. I agree about the married women having affairs; the result of people who are not or ever have been in love.
DeleteI don't think this is unique to Chinese women. Many middle-aged Western women will have roughly the same attitudes towards sex. At least she keeps house for you (white women don't do that anymore), although her coldness to the children is definitely more Chinese than Western.
ReplyDeleteAnd I would say RSG that you are correct. I was actually thinking that while writing this post. The lack of sentimentality is something I've been pondering for awhile. It is on my list.
ReplyDeleteSentimentality is not in the China Mother/China Wife's job description. Having kids and pushing them Tiger Mom style to succeed is. Your job (like China Man) is to bring home the bacon. Those are the defined roles in Chinese society, White women may not do housework, but they in general show warmth to children and somewhat to their husbands. It depends on the martial relationship of course.
ReplyDeleteYep, you are dead on....I've written a post about that somewhere but I'm afraid I've got so many it would take me awhile to hunt down....try my "Tigermom" series.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I've seen many a man deadened by this experience. Judged by what "they make" rather than the time they spend with the kids. Metrics all messed up.