So which China Girl should you marry?

Please write another post on Laowai-Chinese marriage. If you can, please tailor your advice for us laowai folks in their 20s who have careers (non-teaching) in China and speak Chinese. I know that you did one or two posts of comparison in the past, but I somewhat feel that the topic has more to it.

First of all, much thx for your comment.  Instead of writing a post, I think it's better I simply take your thoughts below and comment on each one separately.  Not saying my advice will be perfect, but I hope you find it useful.  Here goes.

Basically I could see 4 options for myself:

1) ABCs/BBCs etc. - asian body with western mindset. Could easily be screwed over like any Western woman is able to.

In China?  If you can find one, sure.  I've yet to ever come across any BBC's(British Born Chinese?) on the mainland.

I was thinking the other day in a perfect world it perhaps would've been best for me if I'd been able to have met an ABC from my hometown.   That would've solved SO MANY cultural issues for me.  And I think if you are hellbent on marrying an ABC, this might be your best bet.  

Sports......you will not have to explain why you like to watch sports, much less justify watching your favorite team.  She will want to enjoy the game, too.

Movies....unlike my 80's bred wife,  and other Chinese of this generation, who never seem to watch movies in America(their too busy screaming at their kids telling them how useless they are like mine is), you will both eagerly want to go see that new movie that came out, or just watch Netflix all day.  Yet the 20 something generation in China loves movies as well.

Sex....I believe ABC's are probably fairly open about this.  However, the younger 20 something gen in China is also fairly liberal about sex as well.

2) Rich Chinese girl in China - well, probably there will be a house bought by her parents, but of course it won't bear my name! I will be always compared to her friends etc. Whole life of comparisons and "keeping up with Smiths". 

I think marrying a rich girl in China is a no win situation.  Her family will be greatly disappointed in her selection, unless you are as wealthy as her parents are.  Unlikely.   Further, the inevitable arguments will ensue.   All money oriented.  And you will simply retort with something like, "At least I don't make my money on the backs of Chinese peasants" or "At least I didn't make my money by violating every environmental law in China".

If you want to marry China Girl, you need to have a good setup.  Simple as that.  If she's loaded, all the more.  Otherwise her family will think she is marrying down, and lose face.  It's not like it was twenty years ago;  She doesn't need you to go abroad anymore.   A Western family would not necessarily consider it marrying down.  A well of family would simply say "You are financially independent of any Man, so you are now free to marry for love".    Problem solved.

Not Rich China Girl's Family.  Educational attainment of the spouse is a myth.  No one cares if you have a PhD anymore.  How much do you make?  Simple as that.

I'd live with Rich China Girl.  And be very happy in the process.  Your problems begin when she talks of marriage.   Unless you have her coin(you don't), walk away.  She literally does not know what she is getting into.   She doesn't.   Her parents will make her a life a living a hell, all because she married down.   It will eventually cause her to resent you.  She will regret it, but not til she's in her forties, and and her kids are nearly out of school, and she has to time to reflect that "yeah, I probably should've married for love, and I wonder where that guy is now...."?

3) Poor girl from small China city. Well this will make me a wallet for her whole family. Baba, mama, didi, all will want a new fridge, new house or renovations. She will have all the countryside mindset with good and bad things about it. Will I ever win an argument? Things like everyday handwashing underwear in a small plastic basin drive me crazy... Every Chinese bathroom is full of that shit. Why do that when there's a washing machine? I'll even let her split the underwear from socks! Just please don't do it every fucking evening in the small plastic basin... urhhh gross! And time wasting!

First of all, I'm here to tell you that all Chinese chicks hand wash their panties.  Have you ever noticed the retractable wire in the hotel bathroom?  It's for hanging one's underwear!

The laowai problem tends to be he doesn't want his gf to hang her panties on the balcony to dry.  For all to see.  That is if he has a roommate.  And yes, everyone checks out the other guys' chicks panties.  

Your comments above are spot on.  You will be a spigot that never turns off.  First her dad gets sick. 

" Can we free up 40,000 yuan?" 

Than her mom.....or her sister....or her Uncle.   

Once a chick asked for 50k.  Why?  Just so her dad could afford a down payment on a house with his 2nd wife.   WTF?  At least she was honest about it.

I'm trying to understand the upside of having a peasant gf:  If she's ugly, you should be ok.  But if she's pretty, her expectations will simply continue to be high.  Because a pretty Chinese girl has way too many suitors on her hands.   Unlike Rich China Girl, she will seek the richest guy, period and won't give a fuck about how he looks.  Just won't.   Both Rich China Girl and Peasant China Girl will have pressure to take into account money when marrying:  RCG needs to at least marry someone with her wealth...that is don't marry down.   But as RCG is more self confident and self assured, she will be able to resist awhile longer.  If you are lucky, she will also be well educated and able to carry on a conversation of intellectual depth(such as....why is China so prosperous these days?  Is it because the CCP got out of the way, or soley due to the competency of the CCP?)

The only upside to marrying a PCG is extracurricular activities.  She won't care.  RCG will care.

PCG....if she's pretty she may marry the first laowai she comes across.  However, if she is not well educated, one can expect problems.  We men should never marry a Vagina.  Chinese men don't think much about the education of a woman.  We do.  Your peasant gf won't appreciate your worldliness, or even your sexual prowess as much as you think.   Her parents are far, far more goal oriented than you will ever know.   You will have pressure not just to get an apartment for her and yourself, but for her parents as well.

Finally keep in mind, there are many wealthy peasants in China.  They will be your main competition.  A city guy in China would never marry a peasant.  He'd simply keep her in an apartment.   But a peasant guy in China with money almost always wants to marry someone from his hometown.  If your PCG is hot, expect many matchmaking meetups at the local Starbucks while you are away.

4) Chinese that was education and/or worked abroad... Well it's a mixed bag. Some of the Chinese students never really get into cultural fit because they spend their undergraduate hanging out with other Chinese and speaking the Chinese and eating in the Chinese restaurants and singing in Chinese KTVs. Clever ones stay on to get work experience or PHD etc.
Many of them go back to BJ/SH/SZ etc. Seems like a wife material that would be able to at least try to understand the Western concepts. Of course from the whole bunch of them one would need to substract white-worshiping slugs.

Could you share your overview of the situation? Is it even worth it? As Chinese get more rich the relationships go into "China way or no way"... By no means I would let a woman stump on my head, but is the constant fight worth it all?



You are again correct as to the above.  Segregation is human nature. Simply walk into a college cafeteria in the States' and what do you see?  

Whites sitting with whites....blacks with blacks...Vietnamese with themselves, etc, etc....we prefer to sit with either our social class or our own ethnic class.  The same goes with Chinese.  However, this tells one spades about the future of China as a nation of destiny;  overrated.    If a nation cannot successfully assimilate how can it learn from others?    Westerners that have been to China wind up eventually learning far more about China than Chinese that live abroad.  

When Westerners go to China, they all want to sooner or later, go to a good Chinese restaurant.  Chinese, when overseas, alas, also want to go to a good Chinese restaurant.  

I've never seen a Chinese in either an American restaurant or a barbecue joint.    The people just don't have much interest in foreign food.  I remember having to introduce one lady to a chili dog and lemonade.  She'd lived in America for 2-3 years and had never tried either. 

One needs to go out of ones way to meet a Chinese in America.  If a student, through a University Association, or perhaps a dating site.   

Western educated Chinese women are probably the ideal group to target, compared to Rich China Girl and Peasant China Girl.  You are shielded from both family and friends' influence, as everyone is still in China.  Your College China Girl obviously has ambition.   You don't have to put up with the "buy an apartment" game.  You are playing on your home field.  Advantage Laowai.

But....again....if she's pretty, you have competition.  Don't worry so much abt competing with fellow laowai.  It's Rich China Guy you have to worry about.   If your chick is hot, they'll find her.  If your College China Girl is loaded though, she won't feel any incentive to date them.  If she's not......

So your best bet is to get a Rich China Girl already overseas.  That alleviates 90% of your worries, as she is beyond the shadow of her family.  


Conclusion

There is one thing we haven't spoken of yet, that changes everything I've said above.  If your China Girl is  Divorced,  or Widowed, and especially if she has kids, and either way you don't mind, than in my view it's advantage Laowai.  Her parents will capitulate like a snowball under a hot sun.  It's very hard for a Divorced China Girl in China to remarry.  She's spoiled goods.  

Every China Man wants a woman that's never been married.  Or else young.  

If she doesn't have kids, most of them just lie to the prospective spouse.  Indeed, if you come across a thirty something and beautiful China Girl who has for some strange reason "never found the right one", trust me, the odds are she's either divorced in the past, or was a KTV girl.  Either way, the reason she's single in this "shortage of women" society is definitely on her.

Still, these women are the best type of catch, in my view.  Their so damn glad to be married, and their parents so relieved, you will be able to call the shots.  There are tons of beautiful Chinese women that fit this category. While divorce is sky high in China now, the mentality of marrying a divorcee still hasn't caught on yet in the Heavenly Kingdom.   If you are able to find a beautiful, and financially independent lady to marry, all the better.  

Chinese Dating Sites are full of phrases like "just want a man who will love me and have a stable income".

These types of women are chagrined, lonely and full of hopelessness.  They fully understand the odds stacked against them in China.   They are mature and their expectations more practical.  

The above is my two cents.  Hope I've answered your Q's.  Good Luck.