My China Kanfa.....China on My Mind

 I know we can't choose who we fall in love with, but if we could.......   A few words for the wise. I’ve been married to my wife now for 20 very much up and down years.   Here is my unsolicited advice for how to choose a Chinese wife.  A lot of it universal, perhaps. Don’t marry your first Chinese girlfriend.  When I met my wife, I was already sexually casually involved with 3 women.  Including my teacher.  The year was 1990.  I could’ve married any of those, but at the tender young age of 23, I really wasn’t ready for such a step.   One needs to know a bit abt the other species, esp if it’s from such a different culture.  And in the same vein…..don’t let yourself be her first boyfriend!   There is nothing worse than having an immature, inexperienced wife, unless the same can be said for her bf.   This is especially imp because one cannot in China count on the M&L teaching their d...

Thoughts on China’s high test scores We’ve been told for quite some time now that the USA educational system is horrendous, and that quite frankly, we suck.  Meanwhile, other nations are steaming full speed ahead.   I’ve always wondered how a nation as big and diverse as the USA could be compared to a nation as homogenous as Korea, or Finland.   Nevermind their size.   Even China, which is 92% Han. Now a true study has come out based on population(thank God) rather than statistical results. http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2013/04/youll-be-shocked-by-how-many-of-the-worlds-top-students-are-american/275423/ All it means is if we score low on a test, it’s no big deal as the USA is so large, it still has enough high testing students to keep it’s place amongst the top rank of nations.    Thus the rankings of countries, regardless of size and ethnic diversity, is a joke, and not an apples to apples comparison. ...

China  is a neurotic country.  It is constantly craving respect. Until it feels it has achieved this respect, it will be oversensitive to  outsiders.  A few of the below ref this.  Driving in China So you think driving in China makes you a baddass?  What the fancy subway isn’t good enough?  You don’t like crowds? I know two laowai in Shenzhen that drive, and neither speaks a lick of Chinese.   I can’t figure out how they do it.   They must be very instinctive drivers. I’ve always wondered what makes the conventional Westerner want to drive in China? I know in Shanghai you will have the diplomat driving around with diplomatic plates.  You realize it’s not on his insurance, right?  When I worked for GM in Shanghai our people would drive as well.  But it’s pretty easy to drive in Pudong when you are driving in from the airport.  All in all, driving in China is a pretty dumb idea.   ...

Tigermom…part 2 (admittedly alot of generalizations take place here and in part 1.  These thoughts are simply a summary of my experiences developed over a rather long time) http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/kids-of-tiger-moms-are-worse-off-183645852.html#!enzkr Your self esteem is not important In China, I’ve seen it all.   Parents publicly yelling at their kids, screaming at them.   On occasion hitting them.   Always mentally abusing them.   Telling them how useless they are, and how they won’t amount to anything unless they do things their mom’s way.   Threatening to throw them away.  Telling the kids how useless they are is a very common phrase in China(I’m on the receiving end of it myself).  In America  I listen to the mom telling the child in Chinese when they misbehave that  they are losing face for the family, rather than trying to root cause the situation to make it a teaching moment.  ...

My thoughts on the Tiger mom Part 1.   Let’s talk Tiger moms.   I’m probably joining this conversation a bit late, but I continue to see it on a daily basis, all around me.  The role the mother performs within the Chinese family in America is extremely important.  There are different aspects of this  phenomena.  Let’s break it down: Prestige  Without question the main factor driving Tigermoms to the extremes they are known for is prestige.  That’s a nice way to put it.  The mean way to put it is that MOM does it for FACE, pure and simple, and can care less about the kids themselves.  All the same, if the kid doesn’t perform to expectations, other housewives will think the child has an uncaring unattentive mom.  If the child fares poorly on an exam, it’s mom fault.   If the child performs poorly in anything, it’s mom’s fault.  So culturally speaking, there is pressure to succeed.  ...