Being a Chinese Man sucks

Nothing is more tragic than being a Chinese Man today.   Being a Chinese Man just sucks.  No, I’m not talking about the price for a decent pair of shoes!

 The Chinese Man today has to put up with demanding parents, bitchy women, and high prices. 
 It’s a terrible luck of the draw.   The demographics of being a Chinese Male, along with the cultural and societal trends HE is imprisoned within are nothing worse than a Perfect Storm.  Just consider the conditions:
·         Part of a culture that values Boys over Girls.  Males over Females. 
·        Demands of the other sex.
·         Overall societal pressures

As the Chinese Male comes of age, he can no longer rely on his parents, his maternal grandparents, or his paternal grandparents to shield him from what lies beyond the nest.    He has expectations to meet.  Those expectations are usually high.  ( Yes, we realize this is normal.  Who doesn’t have high demands upon their child to succeed to the best of their ability?   This is the rule, not the exception.)

However the demands todays’s China Man is burdened with are beyond his control. 

·         He must get married quickly.
·         He must have another boy, dammit
·         He must find a suitable wife that his parents will approve of. 
·         She must be from a suitable background…

The demands of marriage, coupled with the intense competition to find a proper mate, doom many a Chinese Man.    Many say the Chinese WOMAN is to blame.  It is here, I must act and write in a partial vein.  I am a man.  I am married to a Chinese woman.    Yes, being married to a Chinese woman can often be a pain in the ass, but I’m half the problem, too. 

Blaming the Chinese WOMAN is too easy though.   It is nothing more than the sad consequence of a culture that places too much value on the male species.    As men exceed women in number, of course the woman will become choosier, and more demanding in finding a mate.   Why shouldn’t she?   On the face of it, why not wait for a Porsche instead of taking a Honda?  Yet when a woman still decides to forego a Porsche in hopes of driving a Ferrari, there is something wrong.  This in my view is where the woman exacerbates the situation.

Continuing with the automotive comparison, does society teach that female that a Honda or Toyota is just as dependable, and lower maintenance?  Apparently not.    What else can explain the infatuation for outer appearances?    There is indeed a lot of satisfaction that goes into being seen with such a nice car…and it is that vanity that makes woman feel she is a failure unless she can drive home a Ferrari and show it to her mom and dad.  Thus the number of “surplus women” in society today.   

Nevermind she can get more miles from a Honda than a Ferrari.

I can’t say things such as “the Chinese MAN gets what he deserves”.   This isn’t about the perceived quality of the average Chinese MAN.   As sure as China can produce a Yao Ming, there are many fine Chinese men out there, but quite frankly, Chinese women are too busy window shopping for that Ferrari to notice the unassuming but dependable Honda. 

Chinese women realize the balance has ironically swung in their favor.  Thus they are pickier.   More and more Chinese women are following their Asian counterparts and marrying later.   Is it fair that many of them demand a house and a car upon marriage?   I think to an extent it is.  If I was a woman, I may think the same.   Yet when my Chinese wife married me, we had nothing. (which she continues to remind me of, and it’s been 20 years already)   Still one can’t help but think that the Chinese female today is only driving away a good man when such demands are placed upon the opposite sex. 

At the same time the Chinese MAN is facing these material pressures from the opposite sex, and the demographics are tilting not in his favor, the economy is driving prices up.   Here in Shenzhen, it is harder to buy a house.   It is more difficult to save.   And Chinese WOMAN responds by saying “tough shit, you want me you have to compete”.

Well, things here in Shenzhen are perhaps a bit different compared to the situation in the rest of China.  Why so?  Well here, we have a preponderance of Hong Kong men.

Hong Kong men and Taiwan men are everywhere.   This is probably the only city in China where women may actually outnumber men.  The women here are younger, and before coming to South China had almost never come into contact with an Overseas Chinese before.    Relatively poor women from the villages, all they need moderate beauty, and a HKG fellow to take them out for an evening, and their in love.   That’s one less woman available to a local Chinese Man for marriage.

I’ve encountered average Chinese women here,  that get kept by old and average Hong Kong men.  These women have no incentive to marry.   

But it works both ways.  Handsome men usually don’t wish to marry as well.

A rich man in China has it made.

 A handsome, rich man in China is like an Emperor.

Still this post is about the average Chinese MAN.  The postal worker, the construction worker, the bus driver.  The college graduate. This post isn’t about the rich kid, who has natural advantages 95% of Chinese men don’t.

 I sense no sympathy from anyone within China, though for the situation the Chinese MAN is in.  Indeed….if he should get lucky enough to marry, he will probably want a son as well.   And than the whole sorry cycle repeats itself!     (How is that?  See my earlier post about “that’s just the way China is”.)

So I say thank God I'm not a Chinese fella.  I just couldn't handle the strain.   


  1. Hi Fletcher! I'm also in Shenzhen, Nanshan/Shekou to be exact. The other day, the company sent a nice fellow from Kiev, Ukraine to our office to jumpstart one of our projects. He and I became fast friends. Through conversations over sushi, he would lament about Ukrainian women demanding an apartment and a car before marriage. And even if the guy does have an apartment and car, the woman would still hope he look like a 'bad boy'. ....I was a bit surprised about this because I thought due to a more favorable gender balance, Ukranians men should have no problem getting married. Anyways, maybe its kind of like this all over the world...

  2. Yeah, Ricky, I would not be surprised to hear such. It is just so much more pressure in China, as the gender imbalance is so severe in China. I've actually heard Ukrainian women are marrying Chinese Men. Perhaps it is a natural supply and demand coming into play. Made even worse my Chinese women, despite their options, simply refusing to marry. Somewhat akin to not eating cake when one always has it available in the kitchen.

    Thank you for the comment!


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