My China Kanfa.....China on My Mind

Never marry a Chinese 1 percenter.    I’m assuming of course you are not one yourself. You will have no chance.   Zero.   Zilch.   Your glimpses of bliss and happiness will be far and few between.   “What does love have to do with it?” Nothing boy.   Not one damn thing. But it could be worse.   I only married an 80’s era 1 percenter.    “What is that you may ask?” you may ask? Answer:   it is a member of China’s Communist Party.   You see, back in the 80’s no one had a car; everybody lived in an apartment with no elevator.    Everyone rode a bike.   One’s “wealth” was based solely on who you knew.     Or your membership in the Party.   One’s Party status dictated the job you got, and the apartment you obtained.   It dictated how near to, say West Lake you lived. I remember when I lived in Guangzhou.   The Japanese Consulate had just opened up at t...

For all you Young Bucks out there, I say again.   If you are still insisting on marrying China Girl, you need to get straight once and for all the relationship between YOU and China Girl’s MOM.    And if you speak Mandarin, this is an especially important thing for you to do. Because one cannot just sit at the dinner table and with a straight face listen day in and day out to China   M&L   steadily knock you down.     There are some types of China M&L you will just never, ever satisfy.   I have one of them. She will verbally knock you in the vehicle while driving.    In the living room.     After dinner.   In her sleep.   And especially when talking to her friends.   Imagine knowing the little Mahjong Get Together upstairs is centered not on how much is won or lost, but on how your pathetic excuse for a human carcass is both inadequate and not fit for breathing Earth’s precious oxyg...

Those of us crazy about China understan d the importance of learning Mandarin.  We never consider it a “maybe” or “someday” box to check off at our leisure.  Those of us lucky enough to have been seduced by the sheer innocence and mystery of the Heavenly Kingdom before it was overwhelmed by capitalism (thankfully) will remember the thrill of having learned Mandarin.  But learning Mandarin in one’s home country is only a “so-so” experience.   If only because of the “home” environment we are in.  We only speak Chinese in class.  And even than we have to compete with our classmates in order to do so.   And once class is over, well…..back to our native tongue.  Chinese overseas have the habit of also speaking to you in your native language.   (Please understand, there is no way a barbarian can ever learn “our language”.) It is hard to speak to Chinese in America in Mandarin.  By force of habit they alre...